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Why I Don't Live In Australia

crogers Nov 21, 2016

  1. Kelper

    Kelper Penguin Egg Eater Lady Devil

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  2. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  4. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  5. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  7. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    AussieRules.jpg
     
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  8. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    AwwCutie.jpg
     
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  9. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Can't even take a piss in peace... what's Australia coming to?

    https://news.yahoo.com/woman-bitten-rear-python-lurking-204133469.html

    Of course, I can't blame the snake. If you was pissing on my head....

    "... she initially thought it may have been a frog or a turtle until she stood up and saw that the culprit was actually a Carpet Python"... a frog or turtle... What dafuq kinda place it this??


    Ain't he cute?
    AssBiter.jpg
     
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  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  11. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    It has been a while, butt*, things NEVAR change down under....

    A crocodile farmer in Queensland had a couple of his "pets" get into a little rumble. M.J. (Michael Jackson?? :devilzeek) was injured severely by another croc and soon succumbed to his wounds.

    While dissecting this 4.7 metre (almost 15 1/2 feet) long beast,

    Crock2.jpeg

    they found some interesting goodies in his gut....

    StomachGoods.jpeg

    Hmmmm.... some rocks (like birds, crocs eat stones to help them digest their tucker). And a funny looking piece of metal and some screws... WAIT A DAMN MINUTE!! That's an orthopaedic plate used to surgically repair severely broken bones!

    Well, now... it seems that M.J. probably ate somebody while he was living in the wilds of Australia. At the very best, said plates are used in veterinary surgery too. So, perhaps, M.J. just ate somebody's pet (IF that's any consolation to you!).

    A lot of people have been contacting the farmer for information about their missing relatives. But, it's possible M.J. ate this person 50 years ago.

    M.J. was removed from the wild some time back due to him be considered a "threat" to humans. I reckon he was! :cheesydevil:

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/20...e-contact-australian-farmer-found-orthopedic/

    FYI, the most recent fatal croc attack was last October when a woman, in a remote part of the Northern Territory, was snatched while gathering mussels with her family (I KNEW shellfish was bad for ya! :bwah:)

    The most recent fatality in Queensland was about a year earlier, when a 79 y.o. dementia patient wandered away from the nursing home. [​IMG]

    And additionally, saltwater crocs can reach lengths of 7 metres (almost 23 feet!!). NOPE!!
     
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  12. Balibuyer

    Balibuyer Little member JDBA Official Member

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    Aww, thats sad as fuck......reminds me of back in the day when Milhouse was petting the horseshoe crab on the beech saying "nice doggy"(The Simpsons)....Poor fucker never had a clue.
     
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  13. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Now, back to Australia's favorite pets...

    Some kids in Brisbane, Queensland, were brushing their teef, and turned around to see this...

    cd060dd0-ba8a-11e9-ba6d-83f8ec1fd185.jpg

    I mean, WTF? It's just a harmless carpet python. After all, it's the middle of Australia's winter, and the snake gotz cold and wanted to use the bulbs to warm up. Whazza matta? Too cheap to share a little heat?

    Oh, well. At least they didn't do like people I know and chop it into little pieces, or mash its head flat. Nope, they called a friendly snake catcher that took it and turned it loose outside.

    This one was about 5 feet long, and depending on the sub-species, carpet pythons top out at 7 to 10 feet... so he was just a baby, maybe.....

    https://news.yahoo.com/huge-snake-s...kids-were-brushing-their-teeth-100055953.html
     
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  14. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  15. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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  16. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    It's been a quiet couple of months, then...

    a woman living in Queensland gets up to take her morning constitutional, when....

    ShitterSnake.jpg

    She shut the bathroom door and called a snake catcher. We they arrived, only the poor dead rat remained. The nope rope is still on the loose!

    Butt*, if you look closely at the photo, it looks like they may be another dead rat in the drain. You can make out what looks like a tail underwater.... So, maybe the snake got a meal anyway. :yaysmiles:

    Hmmm.... I wonder if she's related to @blackmetal1181 :cheesydevil:

    ShitterSnake2.jpg

    https://news.yahoo.com/snake-python-rat-toilet-cairns-janas-bakehouse-054834697.html
     
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  17. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Now, not only are they in your house, but they're chasing ya from room to room!



    “Not certain how this snake entered the home, but it managed to find its way inside, through the kitchen and lounge, down the hall, into the main bedroom and, finally, into the en-suite bathroom,” Peacock said. “At the time no one was home. When the family arrived home, it was the wife that walked into the en-suite and discovered the snake. Apparently she freaked out and left pretty fast,” Peacock said.

    I'll bet she didn't need to use the restroom after that!!

    https://www.msn.com/en-us/video/ani...ay-through-home-in-new-south-wales/vi-AAJt5cS

    Red-Bellied Black Snakes are venomous, butt*, generally not deadly. Butt*, with MY luck.... [​IMG]
     
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  18. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Then, there's the vicious bar fights....

     
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  19. Kelper

    Kelper Penguin Egg Eater Lady Devil

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  20. Samb

    Samb Average Member

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    That would be a double flush for me.
     
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