1. **ATTENTION ALL DEVILS** If you are still having trouble logging in, (Resetting your password should do "the trick") Optimum Online is blocking JD emails for some reason*, OR if you are not technically capable of doing this; use the "Contact Us" form utilizing your current, valid email address. If your email address is 'lost' to you, simply providing some account details will get us on the correct path together. THERE IS NO NEED TO CREATE SECONDARY ACCOUNTS, STOP BEING SO LAZY! YOU WILL BE BANNED! (Yelling/impolite voice implied there for *maximum effect*)
    Dismiss Notice

Unforgettable Sermon

24thMED Feb 13, 2009

  1. 24thMED

    24thMED Down For Life

    1,087
    155
    63
    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
    *
    *Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
    *
    *1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    *2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    *3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    *4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    *5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    *6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    *7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    *8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
    *9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    *10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    *11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    *12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    *13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    *14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
     
    Carolinacop, dazr4 and Norcalflat like this.
  2. Norcalflat

    Norcalflat War Dance

    2,350
    406
    83
    Good one! Stoned off his ass LOL!
     

Share This Page