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Unforgettable Sermon

24thMED Feb 13, 2009

  1. 24thMED

    24thMED Down For Life

    A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
    After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

    So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
    *Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:
    *1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
    *2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
    *3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
    *4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
    *5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
    *6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
    *7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
    *8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
    *9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he was stoned off his ass.
    *10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
    *11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,"Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
    *12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
    *13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
    *14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
    Carolinacop, dazr4 and Norcalflat like this.
  2. Norcalflat

    Norcalflat War Dance

    Good one! Stoned off his ass LOL!

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