1. **ATTENTION ALL DEVILS** If you are still having trouble logging in, (Resetting your password should do "the trick") Optimum Online is blocking JD emails for some reason*, OR if you are not technically capable of doing this; use the "Contact Us" form utilizing your current, valid email address. If your email address is 'lost' to you, simply providing some account details will get us on the correct path together. THERE IS NO NEED TO CREATE SECONDARY ACCOUNTS, STOP BEING SO LAZY! YOU WILL BE BANNED! (Yelling/impolite voice implied there for *maximum effect*)
    Dismiss Notice

The Night Before Christmas -- for Rednecks

crogers Dec 24, 2013

  1. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

    'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the shack,
    Not a thing was a movin', from the front to the back.

    The kids were in bed, I believe we had nine,
    The wife in her curlers, was lookin' real fine.

    A cold wind was blowin', up the holler it moaned,
    All seven dogs on the porch howled and groaned.

    The boys were all dreamin' of weapons and guns,
    For killin' all creatures, there's no better fun.

    The girls in their feminine dreams were attuned,
    To getting those gallons of Walmart perfume.

    The wife wanted jewelry, like rings with big rocks,
    I wanted my Chevy, down off the blocks.

    Then in the yard, such a noise did commence,
    Like something was caught in the barb-wire fence.

    I ran to the window, and saw pretty quick,
    The man makin' the racket was Good Ol' St. Nick.

    You may think of Santa, in your own mind's eye,
    Dressed in a red and white suit, But I've got a surprise.

    That old boy's an Arkie, our fair state he won't fail'er,
    He married his cousin, and they live in a trailer.

    On Christmas, of course, a sleigh for his rig,
    He hooks the thing up, to a razorback pig.

    He climbed on the roof, with his bag full of goodies,
    He backed down the fireplace, all dirty and sooty.

    Fat legs in his britches, chubby hands in his mittens,
    I admit from the back, he looked like Bill Clinton.

    He turned toward the tree, His eyes all aglow,
    He was a Southern boy, from his head to his toe.

    His neck was a red one, his shirt said "Light Beer",
    There was no red hat, his cap read "John Deere".

    He left all the presents, with an air of delight,
    Then it was back to the chimney, and into the night.

    He ran into the yard, and threw his bag in the sleigh,
    Then he yelled at the dogs, to get out of the way.

    And I heard him exclaim, as those pigs took to flight,
    "Merry Christmas to all, And to all... A Bud Lite!"
    321sold.biz and pad2 like this.
  2. firebolt

    firebolt Hollandse Duivel Brigade Member


    i can't green you, but good one :xmas:
    crogers likes this.
  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Super Moderator Brigade Member

    That's OK... it's the THOUGHT that counts!! Merry Christmas!!
  4. zidfeldts

    zidfeldts Brigade Member Brigade Member

    Green sent.
  5. pad2

    pad2 Helps enable Mr.LaBella's addictions Brigade Member

    got your back on this one --- green sent! (well desrved!)
  6. ded i

    ded i Friend of The Devil Lady Devil

    Luv these! I just bumped an old one - add to the funny! :bwah:

Share This Page