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  1. stdlrf11

    stdlrf11 A Most Impressive Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    (817): He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...

    (1-817): Actually, she's fat now, so...

    (817): Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
     
  2. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (931):
    I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
     
  3. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (207):
    I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
     
  4. fod

    fod Hand of the Box Master Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    (443):

    Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...

    :bwah:
     
  5. norcal13

    norcal13 rated "e" for evil Brigade Member

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    (954):

    I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
     
  6. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    i think this might have been one of my roommates:

    (619):
    yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work


    (810):
    during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"

    (781):
    Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 20, 2011
  7. littlejoey

    littlejoey High on a Mountain Top Brigade Member

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    (973):
    I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.

    (1-973):
    Guess she heard her killer coming.
     
    Towelie likes this.
  8. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (519):
    What color are my eyes?

    (1-519):
    Ummmm... 34 C?





    (804):
    she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
     
    Towelie likes this.
  9. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (404):
    Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
     
  10. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    Lol

    (408): Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.

    :bwah:
     
  11. coronelli

    coronelli Reaper of Endsville

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    (734):

    I’m drunk, naked and alone in the backseat of a car parked behind what looks like the taco bell. Will you come get me?
     
  12. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    757):

    She fuckin peed on me


    (817):

    Stay golden ponyboy
     
  13. BaByGoTtHeRuNz

    BaByGoTtHeRuNz Enormous member

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    (603):
    I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.




    (303):
    Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.




    (443):
    Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?

    (1-443):
    A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.




    (201):
    Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 26, 2011
  14. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.


    (1-941):

    Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
     
  15. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (832):

    The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house


    (713):

    So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
     
  16. norcal13

    norcal13 rated "e" for evil Brigade Member

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    this is perfection.
     
  17. BaByGoTtHeRuNz

    BaByGoTtHeRuNz Enormous member

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    (561):

    Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake


    (1-561):

    Who the fuck is this
     
  18. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    (423): View more from Tennessee

    I will cut you


    (1-423):

    Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me


    (423):

    Put that in perspective
     
  19. BaByGoTtHeRuNz

    BaByGoTtHeRuNz Enormous member

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    (469):

    Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
    ---------------------------------------

    (405):

    In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
     
  20. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
     

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