1. **ATTENTION ALL DEVILS** If you are still having trouble logging in, (Resetting your password should do "the trick") Optimum Online is blocking JD emails for some reason*, OR if you are not technically capable of doing this; use the "Contact Us" form utilizing your current, valid email address. If your email address is 'lost' to you, simply providing some account details will get us on the correct path together. THERE IS NO NEED TO CREATE SECONDARY ACCOUNTS, STOP BEING SO LAZY! YOU WILL BE BANNED! (Yelling/impolite voice implied there for *maximum effect*)
    Dismiss Notice
  1. siriusaudio

    siriusaudio THE SERIOUS™

    2,751
    681
    0
    (352):
    I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

    (646):
    Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?

    (620):
    It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"

    (847):
    Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
     
  2. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

    6,687
    1,807
    123
    (618):
    you should give me head with plastic fangs in
    _______________________________

    (301):
    If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?

    (513):
    Get out now.
    ________________________________
    I love this one!

    (850):
    Are you still giving blowjobs?

    (1-850):
    Who is this?
    ________________________________

    (360):
    Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"

    ________________________________
    make due

    (248):
    Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?

    (1-248):
    Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
     
  3. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (647):
    all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes

    (905):
    You're fat. Stop making excuses



    (235):
    I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 14, 2010
  4. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

    5,935
    565
    0
    (619):
    you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog

    (716):
    do you not see the irony in that??
     
  5. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (217): View more from Illinois
    What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up



    (713): View more from Texas
    I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Jul 28, 2010
  6. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

    6,687
    1,807
    123
    found a new pickup line to regender

    (806):
    You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."

    (1-806):
    Best pick-up line ever!
    _____________

    (630):
    She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce.
    _____________

    (918):
    He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
    _____________

    (765):
    he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
    _____________

    (334):
    This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
     
  7. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

    5,935
    565
    0
    (502):
    Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

    (973):
    I'm moving there. Get me hired.
     
  8. norcal13

    norcal13 rated "e" for evil Brigade Member

    6,489
    1,404
    113
    (519):

    and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"



    (407):

    i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
     
  9. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (804):
    my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2



    (202):
    I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
     
  10. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (609):
    I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
     
  11. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

    6,687
    1,807
    123
    (203):
    I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
    ______________________

    (908):
    While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
    ______________________

    (919):
    I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
    ______________________

    (301):
    a search helicopter?!
    _____________________

    (352):
    She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
     
  12. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

    6,687
    1,807
    123
    (516):
    i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor

    (1-516):
    did you bang her?

    (516):
    seriously?
    ______________________

    (573):
    dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
    ______________________

    (920):
    We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
    ______________________

    (978):
    Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
    ______________________
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2010
  13. bfm

    bfm Should read BMF a new type of Strider

    1,069
    117
    63
    Oh shit, that was funny. Problem is I think the text was from Cubby.
     
    sickboy likes this.
  14. sickboy

    sickboy Marsupial Brigade Member

    2,715
    608
    123

    I can't believe you went there. I had a feeling someone would, I'm just suprised it took this long.....

    sickboy
     
  15. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (510):
    Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.




    (229):
    He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 12, 2010
    Towelie likes this.
  16. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (+44):
    The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
     
  17. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    (732): View more from New Jersey
    I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen




    (724):
    noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Dec 5, 2010
  18. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

    5,420
    1,142
    123
    I guess nobody wants to see this.

    Fuck MaBuse and his non contribituting ass.

    Let it die.
     
  19. stdlrf11

    stdlrf11 A Most Impressive Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

    12,284
    4,256
    113
    Hell, I enjoy them.
     
  20. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

    6,687
    1,807
    123
    i forgot all about this thread. i'm still a fan of TFLN.

    (207):
    She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "

    _______________________________

    (310):
    He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna

    _______________________________
     

Share This Page