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  1. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
     
    Towelie likes this.
  2. Parker

    Parker Former Village People Roadie Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    :fixed:
     
  3. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    you would not believe what I got pierced last night...

    (540):
    son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.


    :bwah::bwah::bwah::bwah::bwah:
     
  4. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
    :bwah:
     
  5. Ironwolf

    Ironwolf BANNED Fucktard

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    Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party

    now those are some serious social skills!
     
  6. ratstuph

    ratstuph Hoodoo Operator Super Moderator

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    New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
     
  7. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

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    they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!

    Don't eat in Oregon: (541):
    at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 8, 2010
  8. That one guy

    That one guy Huge member

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    (757): At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

    Fmylife.com is funny as shit also
     
  9. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    the OR tampon one was nasty. here's so more:


    (212):
    ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?

    (1-212):
    this is Aaron, hi
    __________________________________________________

    (704):
    she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
     
  10. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

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    one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
     
  11. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    (602):
    When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
     
  12. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you can have it back. You can have it all back.
    :bwah:
     
  13. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    Hah! nice find.
     
  14. fod

    fod Hand of the Box Master Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.

    (1-479):

    You got my ass fired just for knowing you

    (479):

    thanks for the bacon
     
  15. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
    ______________________________________

    (847):
    Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?

    (1-847):
    It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
    ______________________________________

    (973):
    My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

    (973):
    That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
    ______________________________________

    (701):
    you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
     
  16. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

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    (601):
    i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
     
  17. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
     
    Towelie likes this.
  18. TacoMan5000

    TacoMan5000 TacoDevilMan

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    I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
     
  19. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
     
  20. Lazerboy2000

    Lazerboy2000 Devil before dishonoUr

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    No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
     

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