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Post your TASTELESS & OFFENSIVE jokes here:

L33731 Feb 22, 2006

  1. buddy

    buddy Slide to unlock JDBA Official Member

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    Doctor: 'I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating.'

    Man: 'OMG doc, WHY?!'

    Doctor: 'I'm trying to examine you.'
     
    Kelper, waterdogs, Bobert and 3 others like this.
  2. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     
    firebolt, Rio, BowtownBlade and 9 others like this.
  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    :bobert:
     
    Kelper and waterdogs like this.
  4. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    How to sneak a candy bar in to a theater.......


    [​IMG]
     
    Samb, Rio, BowtownBlade and 3 others like this.
  5. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    As they say up in New England, "WICKED funny !"
     
    Stu, Kelper, crogers and 1 other person like this.
  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Reminds me of the 12 Polish soldiers that were going to rape a German woman at the end of WWII.

    She yelled, "Nein! Nein!"

    So, 3 of them left!
     
    Kelper and Bobert like this.
  7. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    Down at the local Hospital, a woman was brought into the emergency room, seems she had accidentally swallowed a razor blade. She gave herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy, a hysterectomy, and circumcised her husband, all at one shot....
     
    ded i, Kelper, crogers and 1 other person like this.
  8. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    I heard about a man who went to the doctor after weeks of symptoms. The doctor examined him carefully, then called the patient's wife privately into his office. He said to her, "Your husband is suffering from a rare form of anemia. Without treatment, he'll be dead in a few weeks. The good news is, it can be treated with proper nutrition.

    "You will need to get up early every morning and fix your husband a hot breakfast—pancakes, bacon and eggs, the works. He'll need a home-cooked lunch every day, and then an old-fashioned meat-and-potato dinner every evening. It would be especially helpful if you could bake frequently. Cakes, pies, homemade bread—these are the things that will allow your husband to live.

    "One more thing. His immune system is weak, so it's important that your home be kept spotless at all times. I can't impress upon you just how important this is. If you don't do these things, your husband is going to die. Do you have any questions?"

    The wife said, "No."

    The doctor said, "Do you want to break the news to him, or shall I?"

    The wife said, "I'll do it."

    She walked back into the examination room. Her husband, sensing the seriousness of his illness, said to her, "It's bad, isn't it?"

    She nodded, tears welled up in her eyes. He asked her, "What's going to happen to me?"

    With a sob, his wife blurted out, "The doctor says you're gonna die!"
     
  9. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    The Hillbilly Divorce

    Down in West Virginia, a man named Clem walked into a lawyer`s office and announced "I wanna git me a dee-vorce !"
    The lawyer asked Clem to sit down, and began asking him some questions.... "OK, Clem....does your wife cook for you ?"
    "Yep" replied Clem, "and she`s a danged good cook, to boot !"
    "Does she keep the house clean ?"
    "Clem said "Yep....clean as a hound`s tooth !"
    And, does she take care of the children ?"
    "Yep....the chillen` is well-provided fer"
    'Is she a nagger ?"
    "Nope....she`s jest a lil` ol` white gal, but her last two young `uns was naggers, which is why I want this here dee-vorce !"
     
    Stu, desmodus, Kelper and 1 other person like this.
  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Before my health forced my retirement, I gave some thought about working in Human Resources.

    It turned out I didn't meet the basic qualification...

    MY parents were married! :bwah:
     
    hickory and Kelper like this.
  11. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    The most commonly-heard pickup line overheard in gay bars these days:

    "Excuse me....mind if I push your stool in ?"
     
    Rio, BowtownBlade and Kelper like this.
  12. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    (All dialog guaranteed overheard)

    It`s been said that Rock Hudson didn`t have a lot of friends, but he had Nabors up the ass....
     
    crogers and Bobert like this.
  13. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     
    ded i, desmodus, Kelper and 1 other person like this.
  14. sam eib

    sam eib Average Member

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    Best one I've heard in a long time, thanks.
     
  15. sam eib

    sam eib Average Member

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    That's fucked up! Sure is funny though.
     
  16. sam eib

    sam eib Average Member

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    I think that's what he give's for a blow job.
     
  17. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    My ex and I mostly get along well, but not today. Just back from lunch with her. She asked if I had ever been with a fat girl. I reassured her that she was my first.
     
    Harvey, Towelie, crogers and 3 others like this.
  18. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     
    firebolt, Harvey, Rio and 5 others like this.
  19. TheBecoming

    TheBecoming Tiny Member

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    Husband decides to take his wife to the doctor due to a bunch of strange symptoms that have been going on for a couple months. After doing a check up and getting samples for testing he pulls the husband off to the side and tells him that it’ll be a couple weeks for the results, but he has seen these symptoms before.

    He tells the husband it is likely early onset Alzheimer’s, but could also be some form of STD causing these issues. Of course the husband is distraught and asks “What am I gonna do doc?!”

    Doctor tells him “Nothing more we can do at this time, but on the way home drop her off about a block away from the house and continue home. If you hear a knock at the door shortly after I’d stop fuckin’ her.”
     
    Kelper, desmodus and Bobert like this.
  20. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    In honor of Black History Month:

    Q: Why does the Miss Black America pageant only have 49 contestants ?
















    A: Nobody wants to wear the banner that says "IDAHO"....
     
    Kelper likes this.

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