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Post your TASTELESS & OFFENSIVE jokes here:

L33731 Feb 22, 2006

  1. L33731

    L33731 House Whore

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    This is probably the dirtiest joke ive heard, but the lesson makes sense; regardless of how SICK it is..




    There was a little girl and her mother walking through the park one
    day and they saw two teenagers having sex on a bench.


    The little girl says "Mommy what are they doing?" The
    mother hesitates then quickly replies "Ummm..... they are making
    cakes."

    The next day they are at a zoo and the little girl sees two monkeys having sex. Again she asks her mother "What are they doing?" And her mother replies with the same response, "They are making cakes."


    The next day the girl says to her mother "Mommy, you and
    Daddy were making cakes in the living room last night, eh?" Shocked,
    the Mother says, "How do you know?"











    (Wait for it.............)
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    > >> > > > >>>>>> She says, "Because I licked the icing off the sofa."
     
    sam eib and havana d like this.
  2. Raoul

    Raoul Commodore Postwhore

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    That was extremely nasty!!!!

    ...but I still couldn't help myself and laugh!!!!:raoul:
     
    sam eib likes this.
  3. swampwolf

    swampwolf Mr. Atlas

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    Yes, it is sick, but its offensiveness is 90% of it's appeal.:-D

    It is also a good example of why you dont give kids bullshit explanations. You CAN tell them the truth without telling them the WHOLE truth.:dont:
     
  4. Grim-Sniper

    Grim-Sniper Beers Lover

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    The girl needed to learn sometime, she's a swallower:poke:
     
    sam eib likes this.
  5. LONE WOLF

    LONE WOLF Unrepentant Sinner

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    Good one, but I can top that.



    So this guy named joe is hard up on cash, and his wife just left him and took most of what he had. All he has to his name is $10. So he decides to go down to the local house of ill repute and have some fun to help him forget his troubles. Well, he gets thare and asks what he can get for 10 dollars. At first they say to get lost, but he persists, so the tell him "Go to room 10 and ask if sandpaper sandy is there. Well he does, and she is. She is the most hideous broad he has ever seen, and he doesnt even let her undress until she has turned off ALL the lights. Well, he starts gto go at it, but it hurts bad, and he can literaly feel the skin being abraded from his member. He finally yell :"I can't take this, is there anything you can do?!" So she asks him to wait for a minute, then they go at it again. This time is much better fo our hero, and when one he asks her what lubricant she used. She say"Lubricant?! Honey, I just picked the scabs and let the puss ooze."
     
  6. Rozz

    Rozz piss and vinegar Lady Devil

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    OK....that's a little bit gross.
     
  7. swampwolf

    swampwolf Mr. Atlas

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    indeed.:puking:
     
  8. LONE WOLF

    LONE WOLF Unrepentant Sinner

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    I win. :nana:
     
  9. Planterz

    Planterz seriously nutz Brigade Member

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    Steve Martin had one of the funniest, most offensive jokes I've ever heard. I forget off which album.

    He goes home with a girl, and says "This girl had the best pussy I'd ever seen".

    The audience acts all dejected and offended.

    "Oh, come on! You people are SICK! I'm talking about her CAT!"

    "That cat was the best fuck I've ever had..."
     
    rudechuck likes this.
  10. T. Erdelyi

    T. Erdelyi Average member

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    That's the last time I pick the icing of the sofa and eat it.
     
    sam eib likes this.
  11. Guillermo

    Guillermo 7th Man of the 7th son Super Moderator

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    My passenger seat had iceing on it all the time.

    Sicker joke,


    A man goes to a factory and gets a job. By the end of the day the supervisor is really impressed with his new hire. By the end of the week the new guy is doing the work of two men, wow! Monday he calls in and says "I'm sick and not coming in to work today" and hung up. Tuesday he walks in and does the work of three men. The rest of the week he never takes a break, does not even use the bathroom. Next monday, same rude call about not working "I'm and not coming to work". His supervisor does not really care as he does a weeks work in one day. This goes on for about two months, sick on Monday. The other employees get upset and tell him that they would get fired if they pulled the same crap. He takes the guy into his office and talkes to him. Tells him that he really does not care about missing Mondays but the other employees do. He says I was wondering what kind of sickness strikes a man on monday and not the rest of the week. Well its like this, my sister is going through a messy divorce. On Mondays her kids are in school or with their day. I will stop by and see if she needs anything. She usually fixes me breakfast and we watch some TV. One thing leads to another and she starts sucking my dick and we fuck all day. Shocked his boss says "thats sick!" The guy says I told you I'm sick and won't be into work.
     
  12. TorzJohnson

    TorzJohnson Electric Gigolo

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    These two embalmers were discussing the latest corpses they had on their slabs.

    "You should have seen this one I had last week. She was underwater for a week before
    they brought her in. Her clit was like a pickle."

    "Ewww. Long and green?"

    "No. Sour."
     
    havana d likes this.
  13. Rozz

    Rozz piss and vinegar Lady Devil

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    Did you make that up?
     
  14. TorzJohnson

    TorzJohnson Electric Gigolo

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    If your question is directed at me, the answer is no.

    I spent many years as a Coast Guard Radioman, a goodly portion of which was spent on mid-watches. At certain units there are multiple ops on watch, and we would often while away the long night time hours swapping the nastiest jokes and sea-stories we could come up with. That's why I have an arsenal of particularly foul jokes.
     
  15. LONE WOLF

    LONE WOLF Unrepentant Sinner

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    Top this


    This guy named Ed runs a morgue, Well Ed is getting old and needs help so he hires a guy named Mortimer to help him out. Well one day, he asigns mortimer to work on this realy huge fat dead girl. 10 minutes after he leaves mortimer to his work, mort runs out and yells "Hey Ed, this girl hase am jumbo shrimp stuck in her pussy". Well Ed runs over and has a look "Thats her clit you dumb fuck" says Ed. "Well" mortimer replies,"It sure tasted like a shrimp.
     
  16. Guillermo

    Guillermo 7th Man of the 7th son Super Moderator

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    I'll top it LW. I had a girl work for me and we were open about everything. I asked her the sickest thing she ever heard of and she told me this one. Her cousin ran a funeral home and his mother caught him having sex with a 9 year old, a dead one. He never got into trouble for it but they sold the funeral home and he left his computer there with 400 pictures of him and young boys on it. True, read about it in the newspaper.
     
  17. Lemmy

    Lemmy hook in mouth

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    Now I am asking myself, why did I venture into this thread!? :spuf: :shocked:
     
  18. Guillermo

    Guillermo 7th Man of the 7th son Super Moderator

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    Its like driving by some crashed cars and you just have to look.:goodbad:
     
  19. purpledc

    purpledc purple or blue, depends on the strength of your gr Brigade Member

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    KFC and grilled cheese

    how is eating at Kentucky Fried Chicken like having sex? once your done with the breasts and thighs all you have is a greasy box to stick your bones in.


    Why dont you ever eat a girl out after sex? have you ever opened a grilled cheese sandwich?

    sorry if you have heard these before.
     
  20. 2fulhundin

    2fulhundin Official Retard

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    yeah a bad sex joke thread

    what is the worste part of eatting vegetables?



    :decisions:decisions:decisions :decisions:decisions





    getting them back intheir wheelchairs.
     

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