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New TSA bumper stickers....

waterdogs Nov 22, 2010

  1. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    "We touch more balls than Barney Frank"

    "We handle more packages than UPS"

    "Don`t worry....my hands are still warm from the last guy"
     
    sbl212 likes this.
  2. sbl212

    sbl212 The Cool Kid

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    :bwah::bwah::bwah:
     
  3. RyanA

    RyanA El Burro Diabolico

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    Just remember it sucks just as much for them as it does for the passengers.
     
  4. tubtar

    tubtar high caliber consecrator Moderator Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    I might empathize , but I just got rousted for #1 not taking my shaving kit out.
    This was my fourth trip down the line in a couple days and the first time they " needed " my toiletries out and separated from my bag.
    And #2 .......after getting goat fucked around by Frontier re; not getting my boarding pass for the connecting flight in Milwaukee , I had to leave the concourse to go up to the ticketing agents to clear it up .........then go back through the shit again where I was given everything but the rubber glove for a 20 oz. bottle of Coke I had purchased and hadn't had time to enjoy yet.
    I had forgotten about it amid all the hubbub / bullshit I was put through and this clearly made me suspect.
    However , as I cleared this hurdle and was headed to my plane I got to see one of their crack staff touching a female passenger in a highly arousing manner.
    I felt wrong on so many levels.
    The TSA woman was " housewife ".........very vanilla , not hot , not not hot...........just normal.
    The passenger was a very well preserved 60ish with what I can only describe as great tits.
    Not gigantic , but certainly a sweater full.
    And with those busy little blue gloved hands working their magic............they accentuated and highlighted to the point where if I had time , I may well have stood there and jerked off all over the carpet.
    So for this trip , between their bullshit and my getting to do some pie hawking , I figure it was a push.:bwah::bwah:
     
  5. firebolt

    firebolt Hollandse Duivel Brigade Member

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  6. sickboy

    sickboy Marsupial Brigade Member

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    tubtar for president in 2012! Could we start the Jerzeedevil party?

    sickboy
     
  7. BruceB

    BruceB Huge member

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    Tsa

    The need for security is tremendous but the government workers who do the work are just stupid.
    Last January, we flew to Florida from Newark, NJ for a wedding. I emptied my pockets of everything that might set off the machine and before I walked through the magic door I told the operators that I have had both hips replaced so there was a few pounds of metal in my hip area.
    The alarm went off and a TSA guy came forward to wave the magic wand all around me. I told him again about the hip replacements. He kept asking what I was sneaking in my pockets. I kept telling him that I had emptied everything out of them into their plastic tubs. He kept saying it wasn't my hips and, in fact, he couldn't detect the hips with his wand but there was something else.
    By this time I was placed in a thick, clear plastic walled "room" in view of everybody going through so that, if I had a bomb and it blew up, the rest of the cattle being herded through the screening process wouldn't get injured. However, he said that I wasn't getting out of that room! A couple more TSA people came over and they were staring at me through the clear plastic and I kept turning my pockets inside out to show that I had nothing.
    Finally the guy with the wand opened the door and wanded me again and said that the rivets in my blue jeans were setting off the machine! I was incredulous and asked whether he was certain that it wasn't my hips and he kept saying "No!"
    Either the machines suck or he was just screwed up but I almost missed my plane while he messed with me.
     
  8. RyanA

    RyanA El Burro Diabolico

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    True it's annoying. But for the most part they're just average people who want a good job. If we got rid of them all today, the jobs would be filled again tomorrow. They're not the ones making up all the stuff about soda and patdowns. Think about it this way, it's bad enough having to go to the airport and have your junk touched once. There's some poor bastard who has to be the guy touching peoples' junk his entire shift. I'm sure he didn't get up and think "Man I can't wait to touch some balls today".
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  9. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    So if only male TSA agents can feel up men and only female agents can feel up women.
    Whats their policy on hiring homosexuals?
    Seems like a great job for the right kind of guy.
    I can just hear barney Frank " your really good at that, we can get you a job at TSA.":bwah:
     
  10. RyanA

    RyanA El Burro Diabolico

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    LOL man. I think even Barney himself might get sick of it after a few hours. Realistically the problem is we can't force people to wear signs indicating their sexuality, likewise we can't find ways to get people to wear signs saying "hey, I'm wearing an underwear bomb." The problem is that if we decide not to cover that particular avenue then that will be the one path these assholes pursue. After enough underwear bombings we'll probably have to go down this road anyway. It sucks, but it's a shitty world full of assholes, sometimes this is what it gets us.
     
  11. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    I remember laughing about flying naked right after 9-11. But now Between the back scatter scanner or the advanced pat down it pretty much came true. It wont be long before you have to wear TSA approved clothing to get on a plane.
     
  12. RyanA

    RyanA El Burro Diabolico

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    I know man, it's sad. I usually fly with slippers to make things easier. I guess sweat pants and t-shirts would make it a bit easier. Maybe TSA approved jammies then? :bwah:
     
  13. falcon125

    falcon125 the express train to mayhem Brigade Member

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    I always fly with sweat pants and a sweat shirt, even before the security BS.
    I want a TSA onesie, (footie jammies) with a back flap for easy probing.:bwah:
     
  14. Mr.LaBella

    Mr.LaBella ←The № 1 Devil→ Administrator

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    [​IMG]
     
  15. Mike Stewart

    Mike Stewart Knife Moderator/Bark River Knife & Tool

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    As some of you might know - -The TSA cannot pass a Law. - It cannot actually make any legal Regulations.

    None of this Falderal is law.

    What would happen if we all just said No ?

    Where are these New Scanning Machines , That Just Popped up in the last few Months , made ?

    Did any of you follow the money yet on this ?

    Pretty interesting.
     
  16. Parker

    Parker Former Village People Roadie Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    No, Ryan, it does not. But it soon may.

    Touching someone without their express permission, not implied, can be an invitation for an exceptional awakening.

    And in essence forcing someone to submit to a full body search is a fine way to engender such an awakening. Maybe a few folks will begin to return the favor, say in the parking lot of a 7-11, where "the new policy is that anyone entering the property is subject to a full security screening, and may not leave until given permission. Failure to obtain permission may result in unpleasant consequences."

    It's private property and you're a lot more likely to be shot working in a convenience store than hijacked in an airplane. The analogy is sound, and therefore the methodology is appropriate. After all, we want our 7-11 clerks to be safe from harm, don't we?

    And frankly, I find few things as harmful to our collective well-being, either as 7-11 clerks or simply as members of the general public as government jackboots stomping on our rights to be safe from unreasonable searches. A few bomb sniffing dogs will do a far better job and are way cuter.

    An example of a dog and how good they are at this -

    I had a drug dog sit once while my brother and I, fresh from a party, were walking past a little beagle outside the art museum in downtown Chicago. It was a windy way, and I figured it was a drug dog when the hipster type guy bent over to ask the doggie "what is it?" I looked down and saw a badge and gun peak out from under the waistband of his jacket. I gently collared my brother and we moved on.

    We'd not been partaking, merely in the same apartment as what could have been marijuana smoke, but the doggie keyed in on us immediately, out in the wind.

    A few dogs in the airport concourse would have no trouble smelling explosives and could easily box the carrier in, and they are a hell of a lot less intrusive and a lot less likely to inspire a public uprising. Then again, it's not as likely to cause a real mess as say a guy with a bomb setting it off in the vicinity of the security line, and that would go a long way towards justifying the atrocity your civil rights are experiencing at the moment.

    So with that in mind.......

    TSA - Just when you thought a child-groping monster was required to stay 100 feet from your kids.

    or

    TSA - Legalized date rape without all the hassle of slipping her some rohypnol.



    (pass the tinfoil, I need to make a hat.....)


    Edit to Add:

    Mike, you have something there, something golden. Thanks for reminding us of that. I get all wrapped up in being reactionary and forget to be revolutionary at times :battledevil:
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  17. Tony8179

    Tony8179 Bone For Tuna Brigade Member

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    I may be in the minority here... We are a nation of fucking whiners. Walk through the scanner or get your balls handled. Make a choice and deal with it. All I hear is people bitching. Bitching on the news, bitching on talk shows, bitching in the newspapers, bitching, bitching, bitching. Just another piece of evidence that the United States and it's inhabitants are being pussified. If having your junk or tits handled is going to stop some piece of shit from bringing something on a plane that will harm others, then shut the fuck up, pull out your cock or titties, and let them flop those motherfuckers around all they want.

    Flying isn't a right, it's a privilege. Sad, but true. If you don't want a finger in your ass then drive. If you're going overseas either suck it up or jump on a boat. Be thankful that you don't live in a country where they'll bring you to a small sloped floor room with a drain a put a .45 in the back of your head for carrying something you shouldn't.

    I'm just sick of hearing everyone complain about this. I know that no one wants the same type of tragedy that happened on 9/11 to ever happen again. If these procedures will reduce that chance by even 1%, then I'm all for it.

    You think this is bad? Wait until they want to slide snake cameras into your ass and cock holes. :bwah: :devilzeek

    You may now jump on my back, tell me I'm wrong, and beat me with sticks.... Unless you're the unfortunate victim of pussification. Then you can just tuck your tail and look the other way.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  18. RyanA

    RyanA El Burro Diabolico

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    Parker, I hear you man. It seems ridiculous to arrest people for then refusing to consent to the patdown. Here's the thing though, with a no fault walk away policy it would make it much easier for terrorists to probe individual airports for weakness.

    As far as the touching thing. I think having my junk touched once is much better than having to touch other peoples junk for the entire workday. Really, you couldn't reasonably pay me enough money. But then again, I don't have a mortgage a marriage and kids. Both of my godson's parents work for the TSA, needless to say, neither was excited about the new regs. My friend was not excited to be touching mens dongs, nor was his wife excited about touching ladies womanly parts. But it's a job, and they've a son to feed.

    As far as the people crying rape at the airport, classic Freudian projection. For example, while I think touching my own genitalia is quite frankly awesome, I try never to forget that other people may not be as excited about it. Not to minimize, but I believe some of the more outrageous claims are probably due to others forgetting this fact (Other people may not be super excited to touch my nuts, magnificent and wonderful though they may be).

    Anyways my point here, don't make life harder for yourself or others. The best course of action is probably to badger your local congressman. Though this may also be ineffective. Still better than getting arrested for not letting a dude touch your dong at the airport. That's embarrassing. :bwah:

    As far as the 7-11 thing. Since it's their property if they wanted, they could actually implement such a thing. They wouldn't have the right to force a search, but they could deny entrance to their property if anyone refused to consent. Look at nightculbs in really shitty areas for example, looks basically like what goes on that the TSA. It would loose them a metric shit ton of business however.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010
  19. tubtar

    tubtar high caliber consecrator Moderator Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Ryan , you are pretty close here.
    They simply want a job.
    Working for the TSA , unless you are in an office fondling a secretary all day , is not a good job.
    The benefits are not anything special , the wage is shit in my opinion and the get flack from both directions while on the clock.
    That doesn't approach the " good " threshold in my world...........but with no good jobs to be had , it will have to do for a lot of people.
     
  20. sbl212

    sbl212 The Cool Kid

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    for your thoughts

    "They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
    -Franklin

    (notice how I pulled out a quote:bwah:)

    But I do see Tony's side.
    Maybe this "groping" technique is a bit overdoing it but I don't see what the big deal is walking through a scanner.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Nov 22, 2010

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