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Finally, News You Can Use!

crogers Jan 13, 2019

  1. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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  2. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    It seems that an 11 year old boy was home alone (hmmmm, that might make a good movie title :madaddy:), when three hoodlums decided to break in and steal his parent's valuable shit.

    Well, the young lad (who has a bright future here on the Mighty JD!) picked up a machete and pretended to be Danny Trejo! He promptly whacked one of them in the head. [​IMG]

    A fight ensued, and our budding criminal grabbed up a handful of loot... then realized he was bleeding severely. He quickly dropped the goodies and headed out the door to a reasonably close-by medical facility. Police picked him up at home shortly thereafter.

    Unfortunately, we don't have a recent mug shot of the INJURED perp, Jataveon Dashawn Hall, but here's a shot from last August. It's so good to see that's he's reformed since his earlier arrest! :sarcasm4:

    Perp.jpg


    There's a photo of the upcoming JD Member on the site. Check out the whole story.... https://www.yahoo.com/gma/north-car...e-injured-191300165--abc-news-topstories.html
     
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  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    And as usual, North Carolina's sharks are hungry for swimmers! The third one has been bitten, and it's not even Summer yet!

    If you're thinking about visiting NC's beautiful beaches, please do, butt*, be careful when entering our water. OUR sharks have apparently developed a taste for tourists!

    [​IMG]

    Maybe, you'd be safer in our beautiful mountains!

    Either way, come see us. We'll take your money! :bwah:

    https://www.yahoo.com/gma/8-old-boy...-carolina-021000064--abc-news-topstories.html
     
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  4. Thanos74

    Thanos74 Should be a custom title here

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    Hey Chris, can we send this kid a personal invitation to join our ranks? From the sounds of it, he handles a blade as well, if not better, than 90% of our adult members!!! Ha!!!
    I say this after cutting myself twice today !!!
    :bobert:
     
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  5. Thanos74

    Thanos74 Should be a custom title here

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    Absoulty!!! Come to the mountains!!! Head to Fontana village resort!!! Enjoy all the mosquito bites you want!!! And feel free to feed the bears as they rummage through your trash outside your cabin!!!! And, be sure to take the time to stop and pet one of the black and white kitty's roaming around if you happen to see one!!! Which very well may happen, as they are a common site there, as are the bears!!! Btw, if you do go, the WiFi password is, "in the woods"!!!!
    :D
     
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  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    It's been a while, so I happened to run across this tidbit of interest...

    In California, a nesting pair of bald eagles had successfully hatched two eggs and are raising 2 eaglets. Suddenly, observers noticed a THIRD chick, much smaller than the others. SURPRISE! It's a red-tailed hawk chick!

    Now, normally, eagles will EAT hawks, especially chicks. So, what's the deal?

    Well, it's so uncommon that wildlife biologist and eagle expert David Hancock flew in from British Columbia to California to check it out.

    His theory is that one of the eagle parents snatched the hawk chick out of a nest and brought it back for a snack. The chick survived the trip and its cries are so similar to the eagle chick's, that the parental instinct was tripped and they protected it rather than eat it.

    Well, that, or mamma hawk laid an egg in the wrong nest....

    Anyway, the little guy has survived long enough that he'll be capable of flight in a week or so. Meanwhile, the eaglets will be stuck in the nest a while longer.

    Hawk-eagle.jpg

    They've decided to keep the location of the nest secret so as to avoid sight-seers. Prolly, a good idea. :bwah:

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/apos-don-apos-t-raise-145241028.html
     
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  7. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    And, then I found this....

    BabysitterConcern.gif
     
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  8. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Maybe, just maybe, you need to pay attention to your customers....

    A mother called a Dairy Queen in Atlanta to order a "Moana" themed ice cream cake for her daughter's 25th birthday.

    Whoever took the order, was, apparently, "toking" instead of "taking", and she ended up with this...

    HappyCake.png

    Moana is NOT marijuana! Butt*, I LOVE the high My Little Pony! The puff of smoke, and bloodshot eyes, really make it stand out.

    Several people on Anti-social Media commented that they too wanted a cake like this!

    Plus, the cake was delicious (and the perfect munchie! :bwah:).

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/bak...n-with-marijuana-birthday-cake-181828197.html
     
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  9. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    How many letters in the US alphabet? 23, 'cause KFC blew the fuck up!!

    That's right, a KFC restaurant in Eden, NC (Just a couple miles from where I used to live) blew the fuck right up!

    The employees reported smelling gas (probably ate at TacoBell :bobert:) and called the gas company. The gas crew said everything was OK and left. Well, KFC closed about 10 P.M., and about 12:30 A.M.... KABOOM!!

    Somebody had some surveillance video of the explosion, and NBC got their hands on it. Check it out....

    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/kfc-explosion-north-carolina_n_5d28ce8ee4b02a5a5d5a6a10

    After the boom, check out the rain of secret herbs and spices! :bwah:

    Here's what remains (or should that be "cremains"?).

    Remains.jpg
     
    Last edited: Jul 13, 2019
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  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    And, from jolly old England, Marlow, Buckinghamshire to be exact, a woman opened her kitchen drawer and found this...

    NopeRope.jpg

    Now, those into reptiles, will recognize this as a color morph of the corn snake.

    With the help of her neighboUr, she managed to capture it and turned it over to the RSPCA. The RSPCA "suspects" that it is an escaped pet. Well, DUH!! Since corn snakes are NOT native to England, it's either an escaped pet, or a tourist! :bwah:

    The article mentions that corn snakes are frequently confused for copperheads (which are also NOT native to England), butt*, I can't figure out why. :idunno: They look NOTHING alike, IMHO.

    Anyways, I'll bet she opens them drawers a bit slower in the future! :lulz:

    https://news.yahoo.com/terrified-wo...chen-drawer-in-buckinghamshire-144544098.html

    The RSPCA is trying to re-unite the snake and its owner. So, if you know anyone from Marlow, Buckinghamshire, that's missing a snake.... :manganr:
     
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  11. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    "Sit on my beer and watch this, eh?" :bwah:

    StoryTime.jpg

    A 22-year old man (?) in Ontario, Canada, was cited by police after an anonymous caller told them that he had a 2-year old child strapped into his car using a 30-can case of beer!

    Wait a minute... Canadians get 30 beers to a case? :wtf: I feel deprived! :realfunny:

    Seriously, he was using the beer as a booster seat.

    Nitpickers wanted to know why he wasn't cited for having alcohol in reach of the driver, but police noted that the case was "factory sealed" so that was not a violation. Now if the case had been opened....

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/pol...r-in-place-of-toddlers-carseat-182842355.html

    But, five 6-packs to a case... how do they do it?
     
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  12. Kelper

    Kelper Penguin Egg Eater Lady Devil

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    A little something for us older folks
     
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  13. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    You first.... :manganr:
     
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  14. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    A truck driver in Minnesota, (you listening @tubtar ?) was watching porno videos on his phone while driving down the road. Tate Doom (I shit you not. Talk about your appropriate names!) was driving into a construction zone while watching porno videos on his phone. He hit another vehicle and somehow a construction worker was killed and another was injured. He's been charged with criminal vehicular homicide. What about being fucking stupid?

    Even stupider, he tried to delete the videos from his phone before turning it over to police. Don't he know they can pull that shit back up? :facepalm: The last video was opened less than 2 minutes before the crash.

    He told investigators that he was driving about 50 mph, but they estimate that he was doing 72 mph.

    A similar incident happened in North Carolina a few years back when a semi driver, again watching porno on his phone, rear-ended a police cruiser that was investigating an accident on an interstate highway. One officer was killed then.

    What the fuck is their problem? Can't they wait until the next rest area to get their boners?

    I don't know what the penalty for criminal vehicular homicide is in Minnesota, butt*, I hope it's a loooooonnngg time.

    Here's Tate's mug shot...

    TateDoomMuggie.jpg

    https://www.yahoo.com/gma/minnesota-truck-driver-allegedly-watching-porn-fatal-crash-023843309.html
     
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  15. Obijuan Kenobe

    Obijuan Kenobe Our only hope! Brigade Member

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    Where my family used to live in Holland, it's a 250 euro fine for HOLDING your cell phone while in a lane of traffic...moving or not.

    Case in point, my wife was charged this fine for having pulled over to answer a call. Because she pulled over on the side of a road without marked parking spaces and did not shut off the car...FINED.

    I bike 16 miles a day commuting in Pittsburgh. Drivers are always on their phones, and it's wrong. If I had a penny for every....

    obi
     
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  16. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    I've had more than a few near misses because the other driver was dialing, or texting, or talking, or otherwise using their phone. I don't think any of them were fapping to a porno, butt*, I could be wrong! :madaddy:
     
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  17. Kelper

    Kelper Penguin Egg Eater Lady Devil

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    I thought I may NOT try this at home.
     
  18. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Stay out of them cornfields!

    A woman named Wa Tiba, in Indonesia, when out to check her cornfield. She was concerned about wild boars in the area eating her crop. Well, to make a long story short, she didn't come home.

    Villagers tracked her and found a 23-foot long python. They killed the snake, and when they cut it open, there was Wa inside.

    This is a reticulated python, the kind that swallowed Wa, but, obviously, not the same snake....

    Retic.jpg

    Kinda makes ya wanna move to Indonesia, don't it?

    At least pythons don't eat corn.... :cheesydevil:

    But, then again, they WILL eat wild boars....

    Either way, it's probably safer than OUR cornfield! :bwah:

    https://www.menshealth.com/trending-news/a28448432/woman-swallowed-python-cornfield/
     
    Last edited: Jul 19, 2019
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  19. tubtar

    tubtar high caliber consecrator Moderator Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Using your phone without a hands free device ( no pun intended ) is a 2500.00 fine in a commercial vehicle.
    Criminal vehicular homicide probably runs a touch higher.
    What an asshole !
     
  20. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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