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Finally, News You Can Use!

crogers Jan 13, 2019

  1. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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  2. Samb

    Samb Average Member

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  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    According to the article, a lot of people did.
     
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  4. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Speaking of feeling sorry for Bo... did ya see the oil rig crew that saved a dog? Only 137 MILES off the coast of Thailand.

    Yeah, you read that right, 137 miles. That's a loooongg way from dirt!

    It managed to swim to the oil rig and hung onto a pole until they could get a rope tied on and pull him in.

    They said he looked tired... well, fuck yeah! If I'd swam 137 miles my ass would be dragging too! The crew speculates that he may have fallen off a boat, but, yaneverknow.... :manganr:

    They named him บุญร็อด, er... Boonrod. Translated, it means "the dog rescued by merit".

    WetPooch.jpg

    Once he's a bit dried out, he looks a bunch happier!

    Boonrod.jpg

    Boonrod was returned to the mainland but one of the rig workers plans to adopt Boonrod when he returns to land later this month.

    https://www.yahoo.com/gma/oil-rig-w...miles-off-163412549--abc-news-topstories.html
     
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  5. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Odin, a Coos County Oregon Sheriff's dog was chasing a suspect through the woods. While on the trail, Odin ran into a porcupine. Forgetting proper training, he attempted to take the porcupine into custody prior to his backup's arrival.

    Bad idea! Especially when you don't have any hands to flip said porcupine onto it back so you can attack his soft, and defenseless, underbelly!

    Needless to say, the porcupine won!

    Odin.jpg

    Odin got a few... hundred... quills in da face! A quick trip to the vet, a dose of sedagive (for extra points, where does THAT come from?), :cheesydevil: some fancy pliers work, and Odin will be as good as new in short order.

    In bad news, the suspect, and the porcupine, are both still at large.

    Oops, almost forgot... https://abcnews.go.com/US/quilled-line-duty-cop-punctured-porcupine-search-suspect/story?id=62569334
     
    Last edited: Apr 23, 2019
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  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Odin reminded me of a pic I saw of a pitbull that challenged a porcupine. He lost too...

    stekel1.jpg

    porcupine-pitbull-attack-2.jpg

    Both of them were lucky it wasn't an African porcupine...

    African.jpg

    Their quills are a lot longer. They have actually caused fatalities in leopards!

    Let's see now... Australia... NOPE! China... NOPE! Africa... NOPE!

    Reckon I'll just stay where I am!
     
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  7. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    I guess that nobody wants those points...

     
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  8. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    If you're one of those sick-o bastards that chases after young (13-15) girls (or, boys?) on the interwebz, you might wanna think twice before you make your next connection...

    It seems that New Jersey Authorities have arrested a police officer, a high school teacher, a minister and 13 others in a sting operation called "Operation Home Alone". Pitiful.gif

    Last fall, "Operation Open House" busted 24 more perverts.

    To quote Pink Floyd, "Leave them kids alone!"

    https://news.yahoo.com/cop-teacher-...e-teens-sex-155444174.html?.tsrc=bell-brknews
     
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  9. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    As if E. coli in the ground beef wasn't bad enough....

    A woman working in a meat processing plant in Pennsylvania fell, or was pulled, into a commercial meat grinder. Another worker heard the grinder making a strange noise and found a nightmare! They killed the power and called 911.

    She was DOA, and it took the fire department about 45 minutes to get the machine apart to recover her body. OSHA is investigating.

    The company has been in business since 1905 and this is the first reported death at their facility.

    That's gotta be a bad, BAD way to go. :rip:

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/pennsylvania-woman-dead-falling-commercial-133233484.html
     
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  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    ":wtf: you doin' boy? Granny almost got busted!"

    Well, this BITCH in Arizona was seen by police whupping her 7 year old son's ass in a WalMart parking lot. Why? Because he was slacking off while his grandmother was busy shoplifting! Seems Jr. wasn't being as good of a look-out as he was expected to be.

    She was seen slapping, punching, and spanking the boy. When police got there, he was bleeding from the mouth. Worse yet, the BITCH was sober when she did this!

    So, lemme get this straight... Jr. isn't working out as a criminal, so we's gonna whup him? I HOPE that this boy is given to a GOOD family that will raise him properly. His [​IMG]mom[​IMG] has proven, to ME anyway, that she is incapable of raising a child properly.

    I swear, sometimes I believe that you should have to pass a test before you're allowed to breed!

    How this ugly bitch ever found anyone to fuck her is beyond me...

    Bitch.jpg
    I know a boner has no conscience, but no taste either? Maybe she looked betterer 7 years ago?

    I WISH I was the judge in this case....

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/pol...out-grandma-shoplifted-walmart-120900407.html
     
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  11. Samb

    Samb Average Member

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    Guy who fucked her ugly ass probably lost a bet.
     
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  12. Jim L.

    Jim L. knifemaker Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    Clearly a case of "beer goggles".
     
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  13. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    I've NEVAR seen beer goggles that thick! :bwah:

    My daddy taught me, NEVAR bet what you can't afford to lose! Somebody must have seen that sucker coming from a mile away!
     
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  14. Jim L.

    Jim L. knifemaker Knife Maker or Craftsman

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    Tequila shots (then hopefully penicillin) will refine the focus of beer goggles. :jdvomit:
     
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  15. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    43 year old Michael Middleton pled guilty to bigamy. He's married to FOUR women. He married his 1st wife in Georgia in 2006, then Alabama in 2011, New Hampshire in 2013, which lead to his indictment, but then took his 4th wife in Kentucky in 2016.

    If he'd get an all male jury, he could successfully plead INSANITY! [​IMG]

    They say the worst thing about bigamy is having more than one Mother-In-Law! :lulz:

    I reckon the judge thought he's suffered enough and only sentenced him to 5 years probation. [​IMG]

    Now, how to make them alimony payments...

    How could any woman say "no" to this....

    Fester.jpg

    Looks like he might be related to...

    Fester2.jpg

    https://news.yahoo.com/man-accused-marrying-4-women-plead-guilty-100557566.html
     
    Last edited: Apr 30, 2019
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  16. Samb

    Samb Average Member

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  17. Samb

    Samb Average Member

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    I can imagine what his wives look like.
     
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  18. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    So, is that an alligator in your pants?



    Or, are you just smuggling shit?

    This woman in Florida got pulled over by the Po-po.... When the nice officer asked if she had anything else, she pulled a baby alligator out of her pants! I think that's carrying "snapper" to the extreme! :madaddy:

    She also had 42 striped mud turtles and a softshell turtle in her vehicle. The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission was called to the scene to investigate. She was cited for possession, and bag limit, violations for these animals. She should have gotten that permit!

    https://abcnews.go.com/US/florida-woman-pulls-alligator-pants-traffic-stop/story?id=62869971
     
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  19. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Hasn't been a lot going on lately, and I thought I was gonna give up. Then THIS...

    Howse about some pecker peppers? Penis chilies? Er, why don't we just call 'em Phallic Peppers?

    Firebox.com is selling a dick pepper kit. They calls it "Grow a Dick". According to the ad, they're sold out... for now! Apparently, shipping is only available in the European Union. Oh, boy... leave it to those wild Europeans!

    grow-a-dick-34946-1557946409.jpg

    Can't wait? Don't know anybody in the EU you can get 'em shipped to? No sweat. Amazon has seeds for sell! So, rush right over and order yourself up a pack of two!

    I think I'll call 'em "Peter Piper's Penis Peppers". I know you wanna see 'em!

    [​IMG]

    https://www.delish.com/food-news/a27496511/firebox-grow-a-dick-willy-chillies-pepper-kit/
     
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  20. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    去他的警察

    It seems that a mom ordered a "cute" t-shirt for her 3 y.o. daughter, from a place in China. The ad showed a couple of frogs riding a tandem bicycle. When the shirt showed up, it included the slogan "FUCK THE POLICE"!

    Tee.jpg

    Well, now weez gotz LWGWA (Little White Gurlz With Attitudez). Now, that sounds like rap group from Hell! :bwah:

    Mom commented that the little girl can't read. Unfortunately, she'll be restricted to home with her cute shirt, since SOME adults CAN read.

    What do you expect for those ridiculously low prices?

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/mom...old-came-with-a-profane-slogan-210945551.html
     
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