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Finally, News You Can Use!

crogers Jan 13, 2019

  1. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    I realize that some of you peanut butter connoisseurs, have been dreaming of this day for years! Well, dream no longer... it's FINALLY happened!! PEANUT BUTTER FLAVORED WHISKEY!! [​IMG]

    Sorry 'bout that... I STILL prefer my whiskey in whiskey flavor! :OTHERJD:

    They say it's the perfect pairing for some Reese's Cups. I think the label has it right. Paired with sheep shit it should be awesome!! :bwah:

    The label also reads "Tomorrow's Stories Begin Right Here"... I can hear 'em now... "DAMN! You wouldn't believe how much I puked last night!" [​IMG]


    Developed in Cali last year, and soon available nationwide. NOPE!!

    Skrewball.png

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/now-buy-peanut-butter-flavored-164700213.html
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2019
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  2. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Ninja rats? More, specifically, ninja kangaroo rats!

    Using high-speed cameras, biologists have filmed kangaroo rats dodging rattlesnake bites, and even kicking the snake as he jumps away.

    The first one in the video looks like he gets bit, but he does get a good kick in.

    https://news.yahoo.com/apos-ninja-apos-kangaroo-rats-153506283.html

    Now, let's hope we don't have to deal with ninja kangaroos! [​IMG]
     
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  3. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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  4. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Well ain't that a pile of shit... LITERALLY!

    What do you call that crud between an elephant's toes?











    Slow poachers! :bwah:

    African jeenius went into Kruger National Park, along with a few friends, to poach some rhinos. Said friends were a bit faster and our jeenius got his ass stomped by an elephant!
    [​IMG]

    His buddies told his family and they begged the park rangers to recover his body for them. Welp, the rangers could only find a skull and some pants (probably filled with shit!) 'cause a pride of lions apparently ate what the elephant left!

    Oh, such Karma could only come from Africa! Regrettably, the lions probably had a bad case of heart-burn..... :lulz:


    https://www.yahoo.com/huffpost/suspected-poacher-killed-elephant-remains-151149511.html
     
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  5. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    What's the first thing a fella wants when he gets bailed out of jail?

    Obviously, it's to go back and visit his new friends.

    In Florida (surprised?), a man is bailed out on charges of grand theft. Within minutes of his release, he's seen acting suspiciously in the jail's parking lot. When deputies approach him, he has cigarettes and cash, unusual items for someone so freshly out of jail.

    Review the surveillance tapes, and there he is, breaking into cars! He's eventually found to have a debit card, Florida driver's license, $547 in cash and an iPhone 7.

    SO, back to jail with fresh charges, and bail raised to $11,250, and he's re-bailed and released again.

    Hopefully this time he has enough sense to go across the street before he starts breaking into more cars!

    [​IMG]

    https://www.yahoo.com/news/florida-man-arrested-burglarizing-cars-151923562.html
     
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  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Speaking of Florida, how about a bit of worm hunting?



    A 17 foot, 140 lb. worm!

    WormHunting.jpg

    This little cutie was caught in Big Cypress National Preserve and set a record for the largest python ever caught there. The interesting part is the "how".

    It seems that researchers are implanting radio tracking devices in male pythons and then following them to the breeding females. Sneaky, ain't they? They KNOW the dude gonna go lookin' fer the ladies!

    This particular gal had 73 developing eggs inside her.

    They may get a hand on this python invasion yet! Good luck guys.

    https://myfox8.com/2019/04/06/massi...h-73-eggs-captured-in-south-florida-preserve/
     
    Jim L., GEEZER and Thanos74 like this.
  7. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Finally, not gonna say a lot about this. Fella passed away last month in Iowa. If you have a few minutes to spare, you really need to go read his obituary.

    https://www.schluterbalikfuneralhome.com/obituary/tim-schrandt

    Sounds like he should have been a member here. RIP dude. I never met you, but I feel like I would have loved to have had a beer or two with you.
     
    Samb, GEEZER and Thanos74 like this.
  8. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    Back to Easter....

    What kind of eggs do you want? Chicken? Turkey? Duck? Quail? :wtf: When did all these strange eggs show up in my grocery store?

    Any way, here's the "strange" eggs that are available for Easter this year....

    Sainsbury's Cheese Egg
    Cheese.jpg
    I mentioned this a few posts back. Well, they're still available and still cheesy! :cheesydevil: Cost £5 and will be in stock on 10 April...

    Marks & Spencer "Jazzie" egg
    Jazzie.jpg
    This is a hollow milk chocolate egg covered with multicoloured sprinkled sweets. This one is a bit cheaper at £4.

    Deliveroo Game of Thrones Dragon Egg
    GOT.jpg
    Have a hard-on for Game of Thrones? Then this is the egg for you. According to the article, they are 1kg of "Fairtrade" white chocolate and will be available 14 April until Easter (21 April). They say they're going for 80p each, but, that seems a bit cheap for 1 kilo of "Fairtrade" white chocolate! I suspect there may be a misprint here somewhere.

    Waitrose Dark Chocolate Avocado Egg
    ChocoAvo.jpg
    Now, this is what I've been waiting for! Dark chocolate mixed with vegetable matter! [​IMG] Sorry, but I do NOT like avocado, at ALL. If you do, you can have my share!
    Last year, these were the fastest-selling eggs in the company's 114 year history, so I reckon someone likes chocolate and veg... Cost £8.

    Asda Marmite-Flavoured Easter Egg
    Marmite.jpg
    Oops, here we go again... [​IMG]
    Marmite is an "acquired" taste. Either you like it, or ya hates it. Some say it's similar to Vegemite, but I'm leaving that alone too!
    The Easter egg has divided opinion among Marmite lovers and haters alike.
    "I love Marmite BUT a Marmite-flavoured Easter egg. No. Just no!" one person tweeted.
    "I really like Marmite, but a Marmite-flavoured Easter egg might well be pushing it," another added.
    The egg costs £3. Buy at your own risk! :lulz:

    Aldi Bird Cage Egg
    BirdCage.jpg
    Really, I don't see much weird about this one. A dark chocolate egg enclosed in a milk chocolate cage. Sounds pretty tasty to me! :hungry:
    Anyway it cost £14.99, so it seems to be the most expensive of this year's selection.

    Heston From Waitrose Chocolate Scotch Egg
    Scotch.jpg
    Well, aside from the deceptive name (it does NOT contain any Scotch! :scotch:) this sounds kind of tasty too! :hungry:
    Traditional Scotch Eggs (still, no Scotch) are hard-boiled eggs, covered in a layer of sausage, rolled in bread crumbs, and fried! Nothing BUTT* tasty there y'all! It has nearly all your daily requirement of meat, fat, and cholesterol... all rolled into one tasty bite!
    This gem has a milk chocolate and breadcrumb shell, mango and yuzu fondants for the egg, and milk chocolate-caramel ganache for the meat. So, yep, nothing funny going on here (aside from the previously mentioned deceptive naming). Not too pricey at £6.

    Now, get out there and get you some tasty eggs for the kids for their Easter baskets.

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/7-weird-easter-eggs-game-095739011.html
     
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  9. Thanos74

    Thanos74 Should be a custom title here

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    Actually, I'm a big fan of pickled quail eggs!!! They are DDDDlish!!!
     
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  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    An old friend used to talk about eating pickled eggs and drinking dark beer. Claimed his farts smelled so BAD that he had to drive home with his head hanging out the window of his truck!

    I am MORE than glad to say this is second-hand knowledge and I have NO personal experience to corroborate.... [​IMG]
     
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  11. Thanos74

    Thanos74 Should be a custom title here

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    Well, personally, I hate dark beer so I can not cosign his statement, but I love all pickled eggs equally!!!......except those 100 year old duck eggs, can't say I would even be in the same room as one of those!!!
     
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  12. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    NOPE! I ain't going to no cemeteries in Taiwan!!

    A woman was pulling weeds around some graves in Taiwan and thought she got some dirt in her eye... NOPE! it was BEES! Yep, them little stinging suckers! She had 4 of them in her eye drinking her tears. [​IMG]

    According to the doctor, she was fortunate that she wore contacts. Since she was afraid of breaking the lenses, she didn't rub her eye. Otherwise, the bees would have stung her and she possibly could have gone blind.

    The woman's name is He. Does that make her a He she? :madaddy:

    Meanwhile, in keeping with ASCPA traditions, the bees were removed and sent to a shelter for adoption! :bwah:

    Actually, the bees WERE removed alive and sent to a research facility.

    B.png

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/bees-discovered-living-womans-eye-still-intact-alive-110601280.html
     
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  13. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    "I'm on the most wanted list and they can't find me... neener, neener! Hang on a sec, somebody's at the door...." :bwah:

    Silly woman wanted in Pennsylvania, for not showing up in court, thought it would be funny to poke fun on the Sheriff Dept.'s Facebook page. :neener:

    Well, this jeenius gave away her location... :facepalm: She posted that she was at Ruby Memorial Hospital. Shortly thereafter, she was taken into custody. Police won't say if she was at Ruby Memorial Hospital, but she was extradited from Virginia to Pennsylvania. Which strikes me as strange, since Ruby Mem. Hosp. (getting tired of typing that name!) is located in WEST Virginia, not Virginia. Butt*, since the source I'm using is in the UK, it could be an honest mistake.

    Greene County Sheriff's Office was kind enough to update her friends with "Ms. Chloe Jones and her witty comments are taking a hiatus from our Facebook comments section due to the jail not having internet for her to use." :lulz:

    It's good to know that sometimes, Darwin will leave one in the gene pool for a bit of variety!

    https://www.independent.co.uk/news/...nsylvania-greene-county-sheriff-a8865411.html
     
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  14. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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  15. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    "What a beautiful day for a drive... EEK!! SPIDER!!!" [​IMG]

    A woman in NY was driving down the road and sees a spider in the driver's area with her. Well, I've heard of people burning houses down to get rid of spiders, butt*, she decided to drive off the road... into a wall!

    Fortunately for her, she just has minor injuries. The car looks totaled. No report on the condition of the spider! :manganr:

    SpiderCar.jpg

    Reportedly, police wanted to burn the car, just to make sure the spider was gone.... :bwah:

    https://www.yahoo.com/lifestyle/woman-totaled-car-discovering-spider-225914911.html

    A commenter wrote, “It happens and until it happens to you you can't say you wouldn't do that.”

    Well, I can say I wouldn't do that, because it HAS happened to me. Spiders, a snake, bees, wasps, etc. I've seen 'em all. I even had a family of mice living in a Jeep I used to own. BTW, I set traps and caught 'em... at least MOST of 'em.... Fewer things are as exciting as having a mouse scurry across your lap while tooling down the road!

    Drive safely y'all. The next life you save might be a spider! [​IMG]
     
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  16. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    As if I needed another excuse to skip my trip to the gym...

    A dude in California was "working out" on a treadmill when a woman decided to convert the gym to a drive-thru.

    She crashed her Mercedes SUV into the building.

    She did get out of her ride to check on the guy, but apparently, was attempting to get back in when a police officer doing HIS work-out stopped her.

    According to the video, the dude was just standing on the treadmill. Maybe she was trying to encourage him to "GET MOVING!!" :bwah:

    Video...



    The story, with a newscast video...

    https://www.foxnews.com/us/car-care...ym-injures-man-on-treadmill-in-shocking-video
     
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  17. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    What's the bestest part of attending the Masters Golf Tournament? Why, having 5 foot long rat snakes fall out of the trees while eating squirrels. Uh, don't tell desmodus... she might get upset. :cheesydevil:

    During the Par 3 Contest on Wednesday, a big rat snake fell out of a tree with a squirrel in its coils and mouth. The snake finished its meal, then crawled off to pester some other golfers elsewhere on the course.

    The "man" that wrote the article is apparently scared of worms.

    https://sports.yahoo.com/masters-2019-scariest-thing-augusta-180935987.html

    Rat1.jpg

    Rat2.jpg

    Rat3.jpg

    MastersRat.jpg

    He reminds me of one that I caught in the kitchen of the house I used to live in. I moved, butt*, it WASN'T because of the snakes. They were there almost as often as I was during the warmer months.

    I feel sorry for the squirrel, but, a snake's gotta eat too!

    Glad this one is still around. Maybe he'll make his way to Benny's and take care of his squirrel problems.... :manganr:
     
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  18. Thanos74

    Thanos74 Should be a custom title here

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    Yeah, I have no problem with snakes either. See them very often here in the mountains.
    My wife, however, is a diffrent story! She freaks out at the sight of a ring neck!!! Lol!
     
  19. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    I need a job at WalMart....

    You're just gonna have to read this for yourself. It's got mama doing karate, the 25 y.o. son running around naked, and the dog stealing cornbread muffin mix. :bobert:

    After police arrived, the naked son stole some clothes and tried to run over the police with a scooter!

    Everybody got arrested, except the dog... He was issued a warning for the theft. :bwah:

    Now, where do you think this happened? Florida? West Virginia? South Carolina? NOPE, it was in Eau Claire, Wisconsin... rednecks is taking over the world!!

    https://news.yahoo.com/police-mother-tries-karate-son-203046377.html

    Unfortunately, or should that be FORTUNATELY, there are no pics in the story.

    I've been to the people of WalMart website, but I've NEVAR seen anything like the :quotemarks:people:quotemarks: they have on that site. Guess North Redneckistan ain't redneck enough!

    Oh, and if you've never checked that out, go spend a few minutes. They've got thousands of photos on people (and even a few cars in the lot) taken at WalMarts... somewhere.

    http://www.peopleofwalmart.com/
     
    Last edited: Apr 13, 2019
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  20. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli JDBA Official Member Brigade Member

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    You gotta be 'wary.... :cheesydevil:

    A fellow in Florida was apparently raising cassowaries on his farm. The cassowary is often referred to as "the world's most dangerous bird".

    Well, not for nothing, they stand almost 6 feet tall, have huge "dagger-like" claws that can disembowel a predator, can jump around 7 feet straight up, run around 31 MPH, and can swim well, especially for a bird.

    It seems that Marvin Hajos, 75, was breeding these prehistoric chickens for resell purposes, when he fell down and one of his birds decided that enough is enough, and gave him a couple quick kicks. RIP, Mr. Hajos, RIP....

    I believe that when the Velociraptor evolved, he became this...

    Cassowary.jpg

    I'd rather wrestle the gators in the Everglades!

    https://www.huffpost.com/entry/cass...gerous-bird-attack_n_5cb30bdfe4b082aab086ecc5
     
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