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L33731 Feb 22, 2006

  1. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    GhettoAssClub.jpg
     
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  2. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    And, speaking of amputees, (properly edited to keep us out of UltraHott)

    Stumped2.jpg
     
    sam eib likes this.
  3. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    Why is a pap smear called a pap smear?

    Because women wouldn't do them if they were called cunt scrapes.
     
    begreen61 and crogers like this.
  4. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    A woman went to the doctor complaining of abdominal pain. After he examined her, he said, "Your female organs have shifted and need re-arranging. To do this, you need to make love to a man with a large organ.'

    The woman asked, "How would I tell?"

    The doctor replied, "Look at his feet. The bigger the feet, the bigger the organ."

    Well, she looked down and the doctor was wearing a 15EEE shoe! She asked, "How about you? You seem to have big feet." The doctor quickly agreed.

    After they'd finished and gotten dressed, the woman pulled a $100 bill out of her purse.

    The doctor looked shocked and said, "Oh no.... There'll be no charge for that service."

    "That's not for the service," replied the woman. "That's so you can buy some shoes that fit!"
     
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  5. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    How can you tell if your girlfriend really wants you?

    When you put your hand down her pants, it feels like you're feeding a horse.
     
    crogers, begreen61 and stdlrf11 like this.
  6. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    A blonde decided that he should start cutting firewood to supplement his income. So, he went to a hardware store to buy a saw. The salesman saw an opportunity to make a big sale, so he asked "Have you ever considered a chainsaw?"

    The blonde fellow asked, "Why would that be better?"

    The salesman asked how much firewood he cut a day and the blonde guy said about a cord. "Well," said the salesman, "I guarantee that you can cut FIVE cords a day with a good chainsaw!"

    The guy said, "I can make a lot more money that way... I'll take it!"

    A couple days later, he comes back in the store, pissed off. "This damn saw won't cut but 1/2 a cord a day! I want my money back!"

    The salesman said, "Let me look at the saw. Maybe I can make an adjustment."

    He set the saw on the floor, and pulled the starter rope. The chainsaw roared to life.

    The blonde fellow said, "What's that noise?" :facepalm:
     
    woodlander, Dustygmt and begreen61 like this.
  7. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    Know the difference between a women's marathon and a tribe of pygmies?










    The pygmies are a bunch of cunning runts!
     
  8. waterdogs

    waterdogs Brigade Member Brigade Member

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    Shaniqua walked into a drugstore and said to the pharmacist "Ah wants to try some of them tampoons "

    "OK...." said the pharmacist...."which do you want, Regular, or Super ?"

    "Ah don`t know" she responded...."what`s the difference ?"

    "What kind of flow do you have ?" he asked.

    With a puzzled look, she replied "Ah gots LINOLEUM !"
     
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  9. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    Rufus went to the drugstore to buy some condoms. The pharmacist asked, "How many do you need?"

    Rufus said he had a busy weekend planned, so he wanted a lot. The pharmacist recommended the "Party Pack, 144 condoms in 12 different colors".

    So, Rufus bought it and left.

    About 3 months later, Rufus is back. He says he needs a maternity bra. The pharmacist asks, "What bust?"

    Rufus answers, "A blue one!"
     
  10. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    A man goes into a drugstore to find a female pharmacist behind the counter. "Excuse me, but is there a male pharmacist on duty?"

    "No, my sister and I own this Pharmacy. What can we help you with?"

    "This is embarrassing," says the man, "Maybe I need to go to another drugstore."

    The pharmacist says, "My sister and myself are professionals. Anything that you can discuss with a man, you can discuss with us. Now, how can we help you?"

    "Well, I get an erection and it lasts for about 6 hours before it goes away. I don't know why it happens, just boom! Instant erection. Nothing I do can cause it to go down. What can you give me for it?"

    "Let me confer with my sister. I'll be back shortly." And off she goes to the back of the store.

    In a few minutes, she comes back and says, "My sister and I have decided that we can give you $10,000 cash and a 1/3 interest in our drugstore!"
     
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  11. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    Ted went to buy some condoms. The pharmacist asked "What size package do you want?"

    "What's the difference?"

    "Well," explained the pharmacist, "you've got your singles... they're for one night stands. Then, you've got the 3-pack, for long weekends, you now, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Finally, you've got the 12-pack."

    Ted asks, "What's the 12-pack for?"

    "Oh, that's for married men, January, February, March...."
     
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  12. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    This woman has to keep taking her schnauzer to the vet to clean excessive hair out of his ears. Finally, she asked if there was a way to do it at home. The vet told her to buy some Nair and use a Q-tip to clean out the hair.

    So, the lady goes to the drugstore, gets the Nair, and goes to check-out. The pharmacist says, "After you use this, don't wear panty hose for a day or so."

    The lady says, "It's not for my legs!"

    The pharmacist says, "Well, don't use any deodorant for a couple of days."

    "It's not for my armpits either!" says the lady. "If you must know, it's for my schnauzer!"

    "Well, in that case, don't ride a bicycle for the next couple days."
     
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  13. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    Here's a moral dilemma...
    If you're out photographing nature, and you're in a flood zone, and you see a (insert your favorite ethnic, racial, nationality, or other group here) family drowning, and you're the only person in the area, and you're an Olympic class swimmer...



























    what f-stop and shutter speed should you use?
     
    woodlander likes this.
  14. stdlrf11

    stdlrf11 A Most Impressive Member Super Moderator Brigade Member

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    Ok kids, gather around for a true story.

    I was accused of going to far with this one. I need your opinion.

    Finishing up a three day force on force class with a bunch of city cops.
    We're putting up the Simunition guns, and a guy drops a FX round into the pelican case.
    They need someone with long skinny hands to reach the bottom of the foam cutout.

    I'm digging, knuckle deep into the crevice, trying to pick up the round. I look at one of the guys and ask, "is it bad this makes me miss my wife?"




    I did NOT get the reaction I expected.
    :idunno:
     
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  15. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    You should have went with a body cavity search joke......
     
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  16. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     
  17. crogers

    crogers Magnus advocatus diaboli Brigade Member

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    I'm available to "fill" that position! :madaddy:
     
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  18. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     
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  19. Towelie

    Towelie The JD: Don't Forget To Bring A Towel Brigade Member

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    A woman goes to her doctor to request a certain procedure. The doctor says, "Before I can begin this procedure, I will need to numb your breasts." The woman agrees and tells the doctor to go ahead. The doc then proceeds to "numnumnumnumnumnumnumnum".
     
    crogers likes this.
  20. Bobert

    Bobert Look what I can do!

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    [​IMG]
     

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