Thanks a lot.

**007** · 11-21-2004, 11:38 PM

I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your
damn chain letters over the past two years.

Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products
are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer drink anything out of a can because I will get sick from the rat
feces and urine.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could get pricked
with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer causing deodorants even though I smell like a wet dog on
a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume
sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaida
in disguise.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid
number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica,
Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat pre-packaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn
me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks
with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer date the opposite sex because they will take my kidneys and leave
me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my free
replacement pair from Nike.

I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their
recipe.

I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for
me.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who is about to
die in the hospital (for the 1,387,258the time).

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the
$15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their
special e-mail program.

Yes, I want to thank all of you soooooooo much for looking out for me! I will
now return the favor.

If you DON'T send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a
large bird with diarrhea will crap on your head at noon tomorrow. I know this
will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend of
a friend of a friend of a friend

**Guillermo** · 11-22-2004, 02:33 AM

Great, because of these revelations I will not sleep tonight. Don't tell me that there is no Santa next.

**Outsider** · 11-22-2004, 02:49 AM

You forgot one:
"I always check under the toilet seat or piss/poop with my butt hovering off the surface of the seat because if I don't, a little spider will bite me on the ass and I'll die 7 days later"