To put it in vague terms, the paths to my personal goals(as in non school shit) are blocked by a clear window, perfectly real, in a metaphorical way. You can beat against it, but it won't budge. Bureaucracy, personal problems, and most of all: Fate. Fate is my enemy, a straight path through misery, no exits until I have already passed them. Then there presence is all too obvious, but there is no turning around. A crash coarse to death. Physical or psychological, take your pick of those two choices in the fork at the end of the path. The only two possible destinations to the path of my fate. There is no success, just acceptance of psychological death; or the act of physical death. The road of fate is all too narrow. The bad, the higher ups have a path of fate like a spider web, as many options as they want. The underdog, the good, me and people like me, have the one path to destruction. Anyone who thinks that good wins in the end, that the underdog gets to the top, is blind or a liar. That is why I beleive in a supernatural force of evil, a satan of sorts. But I have my doubts about a god (or gods). Maybe evil does rule, with good just a small resistance that is being slowly crushed. In the end everyone good goes to hell, or maybe the world is turned in to a hell. Kind of like the judeo/cristion end of times in reverse.