Humorus Insults

**Will** · 07-18-2008, 11:20 PM

Originally Posted by SoToo

Sorry for the repeat man... you had posted while I was editing. Is your avitar a knife that you made? Do you have a site or gallery where I can see more?

yeah it's one of mine. I don't have a gallery or a website except for a few posted in the gallery here on JD

**2fulhundin** · 07-18-2008, 11:38 PM

I always enjoy simple insults, especially when the intended target does not understand.

A few cans short of a six pack are we?

Can you spell Window licker?

Does your gene pool even have a deep end?

**jorvik** · 07-19-2008, 04:53 PM

one of my friends is a terrible one for the ladies....one of my other friends described him as being like a "Dog with two dicks"

**RNST** · 07-23-2008, 12:55 PM

I had a Brit friend when I was living in Calgary. We worked for a multi national Oil Company together. Suffice it to say Peter loved to try and talk up the 'birds'. Always on the game he was constantly looking for a way to get in some ladies' nickers.

If the potential target decided to ignore Peter, things got a LOT worse than actually talking with him.

One day we were going down the elevator for lunch and the recent target of his affections got on the elevator. Try as he may to get her to acknowledge his existence, she decided to ignore him this particular day.

Exasperated, Peter said "ah excuse me, excuse me, I think you dropped something."

Everyone was looking at her.

She continued to ignore Peter.

"Ah Excuse me, I said I think you dropped something."

When the elevator got to the ground floor, she tried to dash off.

Peter in a very loud cockney accent crowed out.

"Go a head and fuckin bleed to death"

fuckin hilarious, the whole crowd on the elevator pissed themselves.

**Iceman** · 07-23-2008, 05:36 PM

If I wanted any shit out of you, I would've squeeze your head.

If I wanted to hear from an asshole, I would've farted.

Do you know what I like about you? Nothing!

**IWantThatKnife** · 07-23-2008, 06:59 PM

and do you know what I like about you? Even less!

How about - Its too bad about him - he's a black man with a white man's dick.

**shooter1** · 07-25-2008, 03:44 PM

A clown that used to work with us,' us' being paramedics, tried to repeatedly tell everybody how good he waqs , all of his saves, etc., etc.

He also liked to try to make fun of everybody's weaknesses, at least as he saw them.

Being the large fellow that I am, he actually told me one day that maybe I should get off the road, as I was "too fat to work in the back of the rig. Why are you so fat,Shooter?"

So, I told him- "Every time I f***ed your mother, she fed me a sandwich."

I probably should have gotten punched, but there were too many people standing around listening to Mr.Paragod run his mouth.

**stdlrf11** · 07-28-2008, 12:35 PM

My personal favorite is:

Damn, boy, you'd figure out a way to fuck up a free sample.

We were in an advanced pistol class one time, and this guy kept bragging about how good of a shot he was, etc. A crusty old Sergeant, who had popped in to visit the instructor, said, "SOMEBODY has self-esteem issues!" The guy shut the fuck up for the rest of the week.

stdlrf11

**IWantThatKnife** · 07-28-2008, 01:34 PM

you f#ck with that?

**falcon125** · 07-31-2008, 07:20 PM

A stripper once said to me
" If your dick was as big as your mouth, You would have a date tonight"

**lachrymalex** · 07-31-2008, 08:37 PM

i've never been very good at insults; i did hear a good one, from 'Blade 3'. ryan reynolds calls parker posey a 'cock juggling thundercunt'.

**Dino Dogg** · 07-31-2008, 09:38 PM

my favorite, your mom should have swallowed that load.it would have saved alot of headaches.

**rowdy27** · 08-02-2008, 01:27 AM

That's a nice shirt..but not on you!

Last time I seen a head like that I was shakin' it!

Last time I seen a head like that..it had a candle in it.

What do you charge..to haunt a house?

Still shavin' your legs, Bud?

The Doctor called..your brain's ready!

There's some thread on your sleeve..O sorry..it's your arm.