Do you know this guy?

**Tinysd** · 01-05-2005, 01:11 AM

Saw this on another site.

As I was leaving my house I stuffed my Glock 10mm "man gun" Mexican-style in my pants. My backup is a fully customized 1911 with all the IPSC add-on options in my $500.00 leather pancake holster custom made by Belgian Monks who have devoted their lives to silence and holster making. These are the ones used by SEAL Team 6, which I used to be a part of but all records of my activities were destroyed in a fire "accident".

I put on my Royal Robbins photographer vest to match my pants while wearing a T-Shirt underneath reading "from my cold dead hands." That way, nobody can see what I'm packing. I had my Centennial .38 Special in my ankle holster, just like the gun rag guys carry. Lastly I had my "Covert Sniper" I.D. Card in my wallet with my "Concealed Weapons Permit Badge". I was ready for anything.

I drove my "bug-out truck" to the 7-11 for some beer, 'cause you never know. It is a performance-styled Subaru BRAT with 4 cylinders of ground pounding fury.

I pull up to the 7-11 store and notice a nefarious looking girl scout eyeballing me from the back of her mother's SUV. A likely cover.

The mother returned to the truck and went for the keys in her purse, but I knew from my years of combat-honed instincts that she was actually making a furtive movement for an offensive weapon.

I attempted a tactical shoulder roll, but fell flat on my face, kind of flopping on the pavement to avoid any incoming rounds and to make it look like I meant to do that. The store owner called 911 which is good, because I then did a roll and attempted to draw my Glock.

Unfortunately, since I did not have a holster, the gun "went off" and the bullet creased my weener. But I was prepared for that and bit down on a 9mm casing to take my mind off the pain as I dove for the garbage barrel. That's when I noticed the girl scout shouting something to her mother who began to take cover. I knew they were closing on me so I drew my trusty custom 1911 Wilson COMBAT....I knew that they would be impressed with that. I then duck walked to the front of her SUV but my gut kinda got in the way and I fell on my ass, which caused me to swallow my 9mm casing.

I then tried to roll to my right, but didn't want to scuff my holster, so I just threw myself into a telephone pole, but I landed on my right side anyway. So I fired one shot towards the woman's SUV to pin them down as I recovered my wind.

Before the mother knew what was happening, I charged her and I threw my groin into her knee. I knew that as I vomited on the ground in front of her that I had interrupted her OODA loop, and I had the advantage now. As she ran screaming for the girl scout (I knew she was going for backup) I made for my super-charged BRAT tactical truck. I jumped into the driver seat, forgetting that I had left my rare Israeli contract AR 15 Bayonet on the seat (honed to a razors edge). I could handle it though, half my ass is an implant from war wounds. As I attempted to start my truck, police and paramedics arrived on the scene. My truck would not start and instead backfired once and caused the police to taze me. At this point, I tactically soiled myself while in convulsions. My custom 1911 then fell out the window, but I still had my Centennial .38. I knew then that I had to take out the woman with the purse.

So I aimed my revolver at her, at which point the first police officer fired once striking me in the chest. Fortunately, I was wearing my level 3A body armor. I didn't want to hurt the cops, they had obviously been duped by the evil temptress who was now embracing her partner in crime and crying to the police in the background - I knew it was a ruse.

I pulled out my concealed weapons permit badge and showed it to the officer who shot me and yelled out "I'm one of you guys!!!" He continued to cover me, and ordered me to drop my .38 so I laid it down. After all, I still had my bayonet attached to my ass. The cop walked toward me, and upon reading the badge maced me right in the eyes. Fortunately, my Oakley shooting glasses stopped most of the spray and I was able to rip free of the Taser cords easily. It only cost me one nipple...easily replaced. I dove for the passenger side of my truck and began to run zig zag for a ditch. Unfortunately, the bayonet sticking out of my ass slowed me down. I knew it would have to be hand-to-hand now. I knew the cop couldn't take me when I saw he merely carried a Glock 17, not a man's gun. So I immediately threw my eye into his right hook, followed by a knee into his mag light. As I lay thrashing on the ground, I took the heel of my Bates enforcer boot and kicked at the cops ankle. I knew from my classified experiences in Tajikistan that once I broke his ankle, the cop would fall down and I could "stun kick" him in the head, knocking him out but not hurting him.

Apparently the cop had also been to Tajikistan, because he side stepped me and struck me in the back with his ASP baton, but my trauma plate absorbed it. I then drew my Benchmade auto knife and was promptly tased again, but I was ready for it this time and only wet myself a little bit.

Next thing those cops knew, I was unconscious. That'll teach 'em.

**BenDibble** · 01-05-2005, 01:44 AM

that is fucking awesome! he was loaded, damn. Good thing he had all his training.

i think he should have been wearing a cup also. :-D

**Stabber** · 01-05-2005, 08:18 AM

He's playin Rimbo in a new Stuben Iceberg flic

**007** · 01-05-2005, 08:09 PM

That guy sounds familiar.

**MeEatsPlaydoh** · 01-05-2005, 09:13 PM

What is "Mexican-style"?

**007** · 01-06-2005, 09:25 PM

Mexican style=no holster

**42long** · 01-07-2005, 01:42 PM

that is some funny shit. that made my day im laughing my ass off in school

**bart-1** · 01-07-2005, 06:00 PM

Glad no others were hurt!

**Mr.LaBella** · 10-21-2005, 08:08 PM

this is funny!

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**Pumpkin** · 10-21-2005, 09:07 PM

Sounds like something Lone Wolf would write

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**booger** · 10-22-2005, 02:16 AM

Man, I hate it when that stuff happens. Damn girl scouts are actually peddling WMDs!

**LONE WOLF** · 10-22-2005, 03:16 AM

Originally Posted by Pumpkin

Sounds like something Lone Wolf would write

:

It was a cold dark night as I strolled through the streets of DC. I realized the danger of DC, and was ready for anything. Bowie knife on my belt, Buck knife inverted in a home rigged shoulder harness, and my Hostage Rescue Team boot knife in my combat boots. To conceal my gear I donned my full length leather coat, which ran to just above my knees. I put my shades and cap on, to keep my identity concealed from those who lurk in wait to kill me.
I was soon approached by a large guy holding a Spyderco Civilian. “Time to pay up, Robby boy.” he said with a wicked smile. As he spoke, 5 goons carrying meat cleavers started towards me. Within an instant my Bowie was in my hand. I parried the cleaver with the Bowie knife, and then used the guard to disarm him. He reached in his pocket, but before he could draw his back up I, lopped his head off. Then another 2 attacked. I pulled my Buck out and held it in my left hand, my Bowie still in my right hand. I parried both of the cleavers at once, and used a whirlwind of death spin to disembowel the 2 fiends. The last of the fiends knoked the Buck out of my hand, but luckily he missed my wrist. Within the split second he attempted to recock his arm for another deadly chop, I plunged the blade in his heart, twisting it so as to cut the heart strings. Then the guy with the Civilian walked over. I raised my Bowie, he raised the Civilian. I made a swing but he sidestepped making me miss by inches. As I drew my blade up and back to make another swing, he sliced right through the triceps and bicep s in my right arm, making me drop the knife. I fell to the ground in pain. “I’m going to like this.” he said in his evil manner. He reached down and took a slash at my chest, but I rolled out of the way and the Civilian cut nothing but air. Within a split second I pulled my boot knife and sliced his Achilles’ heel. As he collapsed I held my knife up, piercing into his chin and tickling his central cortex. He was dead before he hit the ground, with the blade still stuck in his head. I was bleeding bad, but I managed to call 911 and they sent an ambulance. I was not charged, as it was in self defense. I am currently posting this from my laptop at the hospital. I have a few more weeks here, and months of physical therapy before I get full movement back in my arm, but at least I am still alive.