Death

[KMNREMTP]

You know people always say 'I wish there was something I could've done'?

I do something every day. I KNOW what it takes to keep EVERY single person alive. I know how to counteract [fix] a LOT of complications. I hear of my friends, or even aquantances passing and I think, 'damn, if I could've been there, I COULD have saved them'

I know I could've. and it eats at me, because their gone, and I could've prevented it.
Not I wish I could've, but I know I could've..... hard swill to pallow.

I know I can't save everyone, dont take me wrong, however, every person needs the same thing, oxygenation to their tissues, perfusion. Simple fix, if they aren't breathing, breath for them. If they have no pulse, then YOU pump their blood, and they are still alive. Machines keep people alive like this FOREVER, and if you can reverse the cause, you can bring them back from the clutches of death. You fight the inevitable. and at times you "win" but it always seems to getya in the end, and when does, it hurts everyone.

RIP to all those that I could NOT save.

[Nathan Dewey]

It's not healthy obsessing over what never can be.
I've always been under the impression that when people die, no matter how early or unfair it may appear, it was their time to go. I had a high school acquaintance die at age 19 from being hit sideways at an intersection by another vehicle while driving a van. Meanwhile, last summer (also age 19) I was rear ended by a truck on a bicycle and lived. It wasn't my time, so here I am. You get to touch a lot of lives with your gift of healing. Be grateful for that and move on.

[KMNREMTP]

You are right.
and this is how we are trained. It's almost like quoting a procedure. making a bali, you make the handles, you make the blade, you screw it all together, and send it to it's new owner. That's how it's done..... right? lmao. but when you actually put the effort into doing it, there's more that goes into it, and eventually u get a curveball, even though the same rules apply, make handles, make blade, put it together, send it. but you have to find a way to deal with the curveball, and it's much more complex. Maybe it's a bad analogy. I've never made a knife. I have tried to realize that some things can't be changed, and when your times up, it's up. HOWEVER, when you really have to swallow it (especially multiple times) it tends to get difficult. It's like if someone threw away a bali because the blade was scratched up, you could've saved that bali, but they couldn't. so it was disposed of. sorta similar metaphor. although I'm having hell expressing my feelings right now.

[SugarSkull]

Are you feeling a little self righteous?

Some conditions are out of a specialist's control.

Ya know, just sayin' and all.

[AnthonyTheAbyss]

You should celebrate the battles you win because the Reaper is undefeated in War.

Be happy with the small victories man.

[unreconstructedgordo]

The onliest tat I have is a decent sized DNR over my heart. No reduced lifestyles for me , thank you.

[begreen61]

Man your creating your own stress,,your a Hero to the people you have save in the pass,,,and I have nothing but respect for your feeling of wanting to save the world but your only one man and a good one at that,So stop dwelling on what could be BEFORE it kills you, and just be your self the guy who save a life from time to time,a True Hero!!!!!

Respect
Gary

[Bill Coye]

After 23 years as a street medic, flight RN/paramedic, trauma/surgical RN, ER, blah blah all I can say is....

....do your best and let it go.

If you honestly screwed something up, learn from it and apply that to the next call. I'm not talking about not checking your laryngoscope batteries either.

Don't armchair quarterback other medics calls - that's their hat size not yours. Listen to their radio reports while they run back hot and learn.

Park the truck, check your narcs back in, debrief the suck-ass call from this morning with a couple pals out in the bay and head to the house.

Wear it on your sleeve and you'll have a significantly shortened career.
Try to run other peoples calls and it'll have the same effect.

Been there already.

Hey, isn't that your truck they just toned out?!?! Get to work man!

After reading this I just want to add: it's not our decision as medics who lives and dies. That's never been in our "control".

We've all been on that call where we stumble all over ourselves, can't hit an IV, multiple ET attempts.....and they still live and go on to lead productive lives. That has nothing to do with us.

Carry on sir.


BC

[NiJaRo1225]

Keep fightin' the good fight, brother, guilt free. You guys make a palpable difference; seen and felt by many. Much respect.

[Clydetz]

“DEATH”

“Death” is just a five letter word
that we hope is never heard.
We try to avoid it by not saying its name,
but we know we are all fair game.

Clydetz 5/25/2012

[norcal13]

gold medal for the use of a balisong as a metaphor for life.

[KMNREMTP]

shit, i refreshed and forgot what i said. i officially hate this computer. and the cat under my feet that's sharpening it's claws on my toes.... i've been running some adrenaline filled calls, and that has helped, but even that takes a toll on me because the bottom line is, everyone cant be saved.... hell no1 can be saved
as for the bali reference, i dunno what my friend nathan knows about life, hell he's 19! but i DO know that he knows how to build a hella good knife, so even though i dont know anything about knife building, i referenced that in hopes he may understand my dilemma. it's kinda hard to track what im going through, unless you've been through it, as Bill most likely can attest to!

[elusiveweasle]

The morning of my fathers massive heart attack he could have been saved. I was supposed to spend the night, but didnt because I had made plans with some friends. My mother, an RN, attempted CPR but was having difficulty because he was still on their bed and was too big of a man for her to move. Had I stayed the night like my father wanted me to I most certainly could have gotten him off the bed and onto the floor, and being First Responder trained I could have aided in CPR. That was baggage I carried for a LONG time. In time however I learned that the only way I could have known what was going to happen, and that I should have been there was if I could see into the future, I cant, no one can. We cant control the circumstances that surround these awful events, and we cant be everywhere we need to at the exact moment we are needed. No doubt you are responsible for alot of people still being here. I hope in time that knowledge will ease some of the angst I know you are feeling.

Jason

[KMNREMTP]

The morning of my fathers massive heart attack he could have been saved. I was supposed to spend the night, but didnt because I had made plans with some friends. My mother, an RN, attempted CPR but was having difficulty because he was still on their bed and was too big of a man for her to move. Had I stayed the night like my father wanted me to I most certainly could have gotten him off the bed and onto the floor, and being First Responder trained I could have aided in CPR. That was baggage I carried for a LONG time. In time however I learned that the only way I could have known what was going to happen, and that I should have been there was if I could see into the future, I cant, no one can. We cant control the circumstances that surround these awful events, and we cant be everywhere we need to at the exact moment we are needed. No doubt you are responsible for alot of people still being here. I hope in time that knowledge will ease some of the angst I know you are feeling.

Jason

indeed, it does help. and im sorry that you carried that weight for so long. bottom line, when you're time's up, it's up. and that's what im having trouble dealing with..... thanks for ur service as a first responder, and thanks for your mother's service as an rn[exclamation point]