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Canadians and Cucumbers

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  • Canadians and Cucumbers

    Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness
    Monsanto Cucumbers Cause Genital Baldness -- Immediately Banned in Nova Scotia

    A six-month study by AgriSearch, an on-campus research arm of
    Dalhousie University, has shown that genetically modified (GM) cucumbers
    grown under license to Monsanto Inc. result in serious side effects
    including total groin hair loss and chafing in "sensitive areas",
    leading to the immediate and total ban of sales of all that company's
    crop and subsequent dill pickles.
    The tracking study of 643 men and women in Nova Scotia came about
    after reports began to surface about bald field mice and the bald feral
    cats that ate them being discovered by farmers on acreages growing the
    new crop.
    "The bald wild animals raised a huge flag and we immediately obtained
    subpoenas for the medical records of all 600 plus adults who took part
    in focus groups and taste tests of the cucumbers by Monsanto in Canada,"
    said Dr. Nancy Walker, Director of Public Health Research at Dalhousie.
    "Fully 3/4 of the people who ate these cukes had their crotch area
    hair fall out. This is not a joking matter at all...these people now
    have hairless heinies."
    Nova Scotia became the first province or state in North America to
    ban a Monsanto GM food product, although GM corn and other food crops
    are currently outlawed in Ireland, Japan, New Zealand, Germany, Austria,
    Switzerland, Greece and Hungary. Governments in Australia, Spain, UK,
    France, Turkey, India and Mexico have public petitions or legislative
    bills under consideration. Californians recently voted down a bill that
    would have required all GM foods to be clearly labeled. Monsanto
    cucumbers have been ordered removed from all food stores in Nova Scotia,
    while Quebec stores have begun a voluntary removal, partially because
    the UPC code stickers contain some English.
    "I pulled down my boxer shorts to get ready for bed one night and
    there it was...a pile of hair that looked like a chihuahua puppy," said
    Eric LaMaze, who was paid $50 by Monsanto to compare the tastes of
    natural cucumbers to Monsanto GM cucumbers in March of this year in
    Halifax. "Then I saw my bits and whoa they were like all shiny skin.
    Mr. LaMaze and other taste test participants said the GM cucumbers
    tasted the same as the naturally grown cucumbers but made a slight
    "fizzing noise" when swallowed. The participants also complained of raw
    skin in their genital area and some bed wetting.
    Monsanto Inc., a self-described Sustainable Agriculture Company based
    in Creve Coeur, Missouri, where they share offices with major
    shareholder Bain Capital, issued a statement saying, "Next generation
    fruits and vegetables, including VO5 cucumbers, are safe for human
    consumption with some potential minor side effects. Some fine-tuning is
    McDonald's Corp. issued a statement following the Nova Scotia ban
    announcing that they will replace dill and sweet cucumber pickles on
    their burgers with non-GM pickled zucchini as a precaution until it is
    proven that no Monsanto pickles were sold into the North American
    market. McDonald's website contains a bulletin to that effect and
    includes a revised hip-hop Big Mac jingle that now sings, "Two all-beef
    patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickled zuke, onions on a
    sesame seed bun."
    Federal Minister of Health Leona Aglukkaq said a Canada-wide recall
    and ban will be issued within 24 hours. "The Government of Canada takes
    this very, very seriously," said the Minister. "Being hairless down
    there should be a matter of personal choice for Canadian men and women
    and not one taken away by a cucumber."
    "They used to have the real cucumber slices in those salad things at
    the City Hall Dining Club," sighed Former Toronto Mayor Rob Ford on the
    courthouse steps after being impeached by a Provincial Judge. "Those
    were good times..


    He who works with his hands is a laborer.
    He who works with his hands and his head is a craftsman.
    He who works with his hands and his head and his heart is an artist.
    ― Francis of Assisi

  • #2
    I pulled down my boxer shorts to get ready for bed one night and there it was...a pile of hair that looked like a chihuahua puppy
    This sounds like a new Signature Line to me. Silly Acadians

    and this:

    The participants also complained of raw
    skin in their genital area and some bed wetting.
    sounds like a BM42/62 thread

    It bothers me that you are able to find these things online, Glenn, yet

    not nearly as much as imagining why you would Google "cucumber", "bald mice", and "genitals" simultaneously

    RIP Jerry "DaBird" Lameka 1957-2012. Rest peacefully, buddy. We'll never forget you.


    • #3
      I don't know if I'm getting this cucumber post .... are they eating them afterwards?

      I just remember standing behind two college grrls at a grocery checkout line. All they had was 3 bananas. One asked the other, 'What are we going to do with the third one?"

      "We'll eat it ... "


      • #4
        Hmmmm....I`m gonna have to go into the merkin business....
        Dental Floss Tycoon

        *Please support the Disabled American Veterans*

        When faced with choosing between two evils, always go with the one you`ve never tried before....


        • #5
          Is this what you eat to avoid shaving down there?

          Originally posted by Mr.LaBella
          I do my best work slightly lubed.

          Introduce yourself to the Jerzee Devil here:Testing the Waters (new member introductions)
          Testing the Waters (new member introductions)


          • #6
            Nuttin' wrong with a little hairless pussy once in a while..