HOW THE JEWS GOT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

[JIMMY_MAC]

HOW THE JEWS GOT THE TEN COMMANDMENTS

God went to the Arabs and said, "I have Commandments for you that will
makeyour lives better."
And the Arabs asked, "What are Commandments?"And the Lord said, "They are
rules for living."
"Can you give us an example?" "Thou shalt not kill."
"Not kill? We're not interested."

So God went to the Blacks and said, "I have Commandments."And the Blacks
wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Honor thy Father and Mother."
"Father? We don't know who our fathers are."

So He went to the Mexicans and said, "I have Commandments."And the
Mexicans wanted an example, and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not steal."
"Not steal? We're not interested."

He went to the French and said, "I have Commandments."The French wanted an
example and the Lord said, "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
"Not commit adultery? We're not interested.

So, God finally went to the Jews and said, "I have commandments."
"Commandments?" They said, "How much are they?" "They're free."
"We'll take 10."

[Honch0]

That's funny. I wonder who sent that one:banhammer

[LONE WOLF]

Probably true, too.

[tubtar]

:D: :D: :D: :D: :D: :D: :D: :D:
Not to be confused with the Jewish dilemma........free pork.
Sorry for the anti semetic utterance , but you can't stop funny.
J.S.

[grover_cephas]

Okay, now there's gotta be one about how Jesus goes to the Republicans, and they say "We can't be rich while others suffer in poverty? Not interested." :general:

[MadDaddy]

I like that joke, it offends everyone :firedevil

[swampwolf]

LOL, cute. I'm part Jewish, unfortunatly I received none of the alledged thriftiness or money making knack. :kingkaxt:

[leanne]

ha ha ha thats funny

[BoerBoelGuy]

First off IF they were free we would have taken 1000 NOT just 10 get real? , Payment? Hmmm I guess we paid through death, persecution (like many race/religions) and general Hard times. Please Remember even back then US Jews were strong people, as time went on we just got stronger:doublegun ! In Keeping with the NON anti-semite and JUST being humerous tones, IF we(jews) felt those 10 were necc. for our survival , Heck WE would JUST have TAKEN em period.:love: survival of the fittest IMHO, Yep we are just that tough:TOB: anyone have any doubts, im buying the plane tickets down just say the good word my brothers (TBG just gets to come down for Beer and BQ though, NO whoopins for him just yet :-). Thanks for the good nature guys.


Loandr.

[Mr.LaBella]

I gotta admit- where are the guineas in here?- see?

this is slanted :imo:

[TheBadGuy]

(TBG just gets to come down for Beer and BQ though, NO whoopins for him just yet :-)



:kingkaxt: :cheers:

[Walking Man]

LOL, cute. I'm part Jewish, unfortunatly I received none of the alledged thriftiness or money making knack.
You really can't be part Jewish..... Either you are or you aren't......
Judaism is a religion, as well as a people.... So it can be confusing at times.
If you have Jewish parents or a Jewish parent or grandparents, or whatever, then say that.
As far as I'm concerned anyone who says they are a Jew for Jesus or a Messanic Jew who believes in Jesus (which is actually an incorrect term) is a Christian. Sorry to get on the soapbox, but that thing REALLY! REALLY! bugs the hell out of me.

[swampwolf]

If you have Jewish parents or a Jewish parent or grandparents, or whatever, then say that.



Why else would someone say they a Jewish? My Grandmother's family came to Savanna c.1880. They were Cohens. My Grandmother sang for the USO during WWII.

I dont claim it as some kind of badge, it's just a fact.

[Mr.LaBella]

not to derail this mildy humorous post- but Jewish is a religion last time I checked?!

and you two kids no fighting-

according to Jewish "law" you're Jewish if your mother was/is Jewish [correct?]

someone help me out here.....ciliapepper?loandr.?

[Mike Stewart]

The Lineage of Jews is traced through the Maternal Side.

If Gramma Was Jewish and She was Your Mom's Mom--You are Jewish--Based on Jewish Law.

All of this is actually Irrelevant because you actually are the Religion you have Chosen.

[swampwolf]

The Grandmother I am talking about is my Fathers mother.




and you two kids no fighting-



Sorry if it seemed like I was fighting, I wasn't.


Walking Man, If it seemed like I was being snappy, I'm sorry. I saw your post as a question of lineage of anyone claiming a lineage, I just stated mine. I am aware that some people make bullshit blood claims for some reason. I didn't want anyone to think I was a liar, that's all.

The only part of me that is Jewish is my genes.

[BoerBoelGuy]

The only part of me that is Jewish is my genes.

Hey you got to start somewhere :TOB: ? You sir are right on track:love:

[swampwolf]

Hey you got to start somewhere :TOB: ? You sir are right on track:love:


I think I'll need some help because I know nothing about being Jewish.:kingkaxt:

[BoerBoelGuy]

Im always here if you need me.:cheers:

[tubtar]

You really can't be part Jewish..... Either you are or you aren't......

So that whole " you are what you eat " thing is bullshit too ?
How about " I am what I am "?..........I'm sorry , " I yam what I yam "
Cuz Popeye had it goin on , seen that motherfucker smite Brutus a bunch of times.
J.S.

[BoerBoelGuy]

Maybe not what you eat BUTTTT....The Mrs. just sticks with "I'm Jewish by Injection" she has quite the sense of humor BUT seriously loves the tradtion she has been exposed to as well.

[xrayzebra]

Friendly, open discussion, speaking on principle only, and not looking to start a fight:

I got LOTS of "Jewish" friends who are not "practicing," but all of whom speak of "being" Jewish. To them, it is not only a religion, it is an integral part of their identity and the entire context of their lives. Thousands of years of family history, up to grandmothers and grandfathers they loved and will honor forever... and to deny this heritage would be sacrilegeous to the memory of these ancestors.

I'd ask if questioning this isn't legitimately more offensive to them than it should be to someone else that they claim to be "part Jewish." The exception would be if someone considered themselves "more Jewish." In which case, I'd see their point, and I'd fully respect that.

On the other hand, a majority of Americans of "Christian lineage" claim to be Christian, while observing nearly NONE of the principles of Christ. (Forgiveness, non-violence, charity, loving thine enemy, turning the other cheek, and so on and so on.) Yet, nobody's got the balls to question that.

Okay, thread screwed! Social taboo on discussing religion broken! 25 words or less rule shattered to oblivion! My work is done! Please PM me your objections, or strap on some explosives and come see me, rather than escalating this thread.

Let the HUMOR resume!

[tubtar]

Fucking religious topics always seem to hit nerves. If I offended any of you'se , that weren't my intent. Be Jewish. Be Christian. Be Muslim. Be Hindu. Be all that you can be.
My gut says that what ever you call your divinity , we're all talkin to the same cat when we take a knee , bow our heads or kill our calves.
But be honest.....that was funny.
J.S.

[xrayzebra]

Fucking religious topics always seem to hit nerves. If I offended any of you'se , that weren't my intent. Be Jewish. Be Christian. Be Muslim. Be Hindu. Be all that you can be.

And I certainly apologize if you thought my comments were directed to you, tubinator. Not the case at all, and I have certainly not taken offense. I think it takes a hell of a man to put in such a courteous disclaimer IMHO, however. Everybody here knows you are a stand up guy, and I'd watch your back any time.

And, I am sure Walking Man is a stand up guy, just the same, and meant no slight to Swamp Wolf, so I'll apologize here to you WM, cuz my comments obviously pertain to your statement re: "part Jewish," but again are intended as a reasoned response and not as a challenge.

There's no harm in humor between friends, and no harm in discussing topics seriously, either, with measured courtesy. If I could only maintain smaller measures, eh?

Did somebody say "stfu,?" or is that in my head? :firedevil

[tubtar]

No apology necessary , bro. The only thing I get too serious about on the net is knives for sale. Way too serious.
I can see someone getting upset about percieved slights to subjects they hold dear , but being the asshole I am , I'll still type shit.
Provoking thought and / or emotion is the byproduct.......but I don't mean to hurt. My people have their stereotypes as well , and I buy into them wholeheartedly................except for the small dick thing.
J.S.

[Bobert]

My people have their stereotypes as well , and I buy into them wholeheartedly................except for the small dick thing.
J.S.



My people are known to be big dicks.

[xrayzebra]

There once was a man was named Bobert...
and that dude was one sick, funny fuck.

You always got me laughing, man. Thanks.

[Walking Man]

If Gramma Was Jewish and She was Your Mom's Mom--You are Jewish--Based on Jewish Law.

All of this is actually Irrelevant because you actually are the Religion you have Chosen.
Sorry, I don't mean to be argumentative......
It's just how I see things.... Yes, ..... Swampwolf, you are of Jewish descent.
Also, Mike... If your mother is Jewish and you willing get baptized and accept Jesus, you are no longer Jewish, and no rabbi that I know of will say this is so.

[xrayzebra]

If your mother is Jewish and you willing get baptized and accept Jesus, you are no longer Jewish, and no rabbi that I know of will say this is so. (emphasis mine)

I assume you mean no rabbi will say otherwise, unless you meant "but no rabbi will say so," which wouldn't make sense, so I will assume the first statement is what you meant.

My atheist ex-wife claimed to be Jewish by virtue of blood. (Actually, she also claimed to be a witch, which seems very appropriate in retrospect!)

My non-practicing Jewish friends who haven't become Christians claim to be Jewish by virtue of blood.

I'll accept your authority on the subject for purposes of keeping this conversation friendly, since that's all I know about it. May I ask your opinion, though, since you are the only persopn in the conversation who makes mention of active and willing conversion : If you are of Jewish descent and have neither converted nor observed custom for many years, are you still Jewish?

[Walking Man]

If you are of Jewish descent and have neither converted nor observed custom for many years, are you still Jewish?
I believe so. Observing the customs is only a part of being Jewish. To me, and many, I think.... The most important part is believing in the Torah, known to Christianity as the old testament. The state of Israel accepted a very large number of Ethiopians as Jews, even though there customs were very different, they had the same basic ideaology.
If someone says they are Jewish by religion, and identity, to me it means they still believe in Judaism. In fact, I shun our local congregation, since it is a place of gossip and politics. I hope to one day find a congregation that better suit my needs. (and hopefully those of my wife as well)

[xrayzebra]

Thanks, man. All I needed was some context. I think I respect where you are coming from, now. Welcome to the forum, and I hope we can have some more discussion, private or public, on some serious subjects, as well as some fun.

Show us some knives? :)

[jfever311]

http://i25.photobucket.com/albums/c63/Reyalskrad/raise_thread.jpg?iact=hc&vpx=218&vpy=162&dur=4793&hovh=268&hovw=188&tx=95&ty=159&sig=114565718160009512314&ei=mssQT5u4KKPs0gG4jK3IAw&page=2&tbnh=118&tbnw=83&start=13&ndsp=25&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:13

[tubtar]

Oy Vey ! :devilroll::bwah:

[BoerBoelGuy]

weve been brock'ed.....but w/o the "class".....meh at least his post count is Kosher :manganr::jdwink2:

[tubtar]

weve been brock'ed.....but w/o the "class".....meh at least his post count is Kosher :manganr::jdwink2:

My second favorite number after .45. :bwah::thumbsup:

[HotrodKelley]

I thank Christ that I'm not a jew.

[BoerBoelGuy]

YES indeed.................and we all know how that worked out for him :cry:.................................just sayin :manganr:

[Bobert]

I was born part Jewish, but they cut that part off.......:devilzeek

[Mpsecare]

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street and they see a group of little boys
the priest says "Lets fuck em!"
the rabbi says "out of what?"

[rio]

What do you call a gay Jew, heblew...

[BoerBoelGuy]

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street and they see a group of little boys
the priest says "Lets fuck em!"
the rabbi says "out of what?"


that was fucking classic! :bwah:

[SinCity]

Personal believes are just that, personal. But I do tell all the jewish people I know about my uncle. He was killed in an concentration camp during the war. He fell out of the machine gun tower.

[BoerBoelGuy]

Huh?.....could'nt handle the recoil :cry:....were hopin that Gene didnt get passed down :jdwink2::manganr:

[tubtar]

A priest and a rabbi were walking down the street and they see a group of little boys
the priest says "Lets fuck em!"
the rabbi says "out of what?"

That joke has been amended to " A Rabbi , a Lawyer and a Priest are on a cruise ship.
The ship gets too close to an atoll and strikes it , tearing a huge hole in the side of the vessel.
It immediately starts taking on water and listing heavily.
The Rabbi hollers " SAVE THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN ! "
The Lawyer hollers " FUCK THE WOMEN AND CHILDREN ! "
Th Priest looks at them and asks " Do we have time ? "
:jdwink2::thumbsup:

[Parker]

I drove by a sign on Sunday morning which read "Redemption" and had an arrow pointing to a driveway.

I was not looking for any redemption at the time, but it is interesting to know where you can buy it. If they have good prices on produce to go with it, or a breakfast special, I'm in....

[AJD1]

Personal believes are just that, personal. But I do tell all the jewish people I know about my uncle. He was killed in an concentration camp during the war. He fell out of the machine gun tower.

This one had me for a second..

You know we're gonna burn in hell for laughing at this,right?? :cry:

:muahaha:

[Lon Humphrey]

moms side immigrated just before WWI and they were jewish dads side were German now is it clear why im so fucked up? half of the voices in my head hate the other half :bwah:

[knifezoid]

I like that joke, it offends everyone :firedevil

Actually I'm offended Asians were not targeted in this one.

But I don't know how it would have went. "Give us an example"
"Thou shall not be good at math?" Yeah not sure how you'd work
that in.

[Str8ShooterEsq]

I am 100% Jewish. Been that way for damn near 5800 years. And with that background:

1. Judaism is a religion, but Jews are also a people or nationality, decedents of the ancient Hebrews. So, you can be "part" Jewish as far as nationality goes, but not insofar as religion goes.

2. The original joke and most of the others are funny. Anyone who can't laugh at themselves is an ass., and that goes for stereotypes, too.

3. But, this --


Personal believes are just that, personal. But I do tell all the jewish people I know about my uncle. He was killed in an concentration camp during the war. He fell out of the machine gun tower.

-- if offense. There is nothing funny about the Holocaust. Anyone who thinks so is a mental case or evil fuck.

[BoerBoelGuy]

I hear ya (meaning family here lost as well) hence my friendly dig....BUT Sin doesnt roll that way, no worries and most here open minded and hearted!....all in jest and mean't in good taste I assure....:manganr:

[jfever311]

I am deeply offended by these crackers too.

[SinCity]

I am 100% Jewish. Been that way for damn near 5800 years. And with that background:

1. Judaism is a religion, but Jews are also a people or nationality, decedents of the ancient Hebrews. So, you can be "part" Jewish as far as nationality goes, but not insofar as religion goes.

2. The original joke and most of the others are funny. Anyone who can't laugh at themselves is an ass., and that goes for stereotypes, too.

3. But, this --

http://www.jerzeedevil.com/forums/images/misc/quote_icon.png Originally Posted by SinCityhttp://www.jerzeedevil.com/forums/images/buttons/viewpost-right.png (http://www.jerzeedevil.com/forums/showthread.php?p=1357903#post1357903)Personal believes are just that, personal. But I do tell all the jewish people I know about my uncle. He was killed in an concentration camp during the war. He fell out of the machine gun tower.



-- if offense. There is nothing funny about the Holocaust. Anyone who thinks so is a mental case or evil fuck.

That's nothing....You should see how pissed my relatives get when I make joke about what happened to our dead uncle.

[Str8ShooterEsq]

Yeah, maybe your right. The Holocaust was pretty fuckin' funny.

http://www.jerzeedevil.com/gallery/files/4/6/1/6/n6.jpg
http://www.jerzeedevil.com/gallery/files/4/6/1/6/bergenbelsen3.jpg
http://www.jerzeedevil.com/gallery/files/4/6/1/6/dead21.jpg
http://www.jerzeedevil.com/gallery/files/4/6/1/6/einsatz7.jpg

[SinCity]

http://www.google.com/url?sa=i&source=images&cd=&docid=Bak8YmzGmkrORM&tbnid=H0RCbUazo_i5YM:&ved=0CAUQjBwwADi3Bg&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwordonfire.org%2Fgetmedia%2Fed29 6200-1813-430e-87f6-e75bdb433d8c%2F!!!!!!!!!!-aval-christ.aspx&ei=u1QeUYmdL9OC0QGdw4HQAw&psig=AFQjCNG2X4v_fk7bXO3Hs24JMs5bsn5_Sg&ust=1361028667824114

[Ronlad]

Not sure what is posted above me but this tacky joke/exchange has gone on long enough. :devilroll: