Stu
04-25-2009, 02:53 PM
Po-faced council officials in thre UK are finally cracking a smile as they reveal some of the hilarious letters of complaint that they get sent.
As they try to get their point across, angry Britons fire off unintentionally rude messages with laugh-out-loud double meanings.
Here are some of the best real-life moans:-
• My bush is really overgrown at the front & my back passage has fungus growing in it.
• He has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house & I just can’t take it anymore.
• It is the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
• I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle badly; then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
• And their 18 year old son is constantly banging his balls against my fence.
• I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
• My lavatory seat is cracked – Where do I stand?
• I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
• Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped & fell on it yesterday & now she is pregnant.
• 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
• Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour & not fit to drink.
• The toilet is blocked & we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
• I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
• Our lavatory seat is broken in half & is now in three pieces.
• I want to complain about the farmer across the road: every morning at 6.00am his cock wakes me up & now it’s getting too much for me.
• Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children & would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
• I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat & would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night?
• Send a man with the right tool to finish the job & satisfy my wife.
• I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
• This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke & we can’t get the BBC2 TV channel.
As they try to get their point across, angry Britons fire off unintentionally rude messages with laugh-out-loud double meanings.
Here are some of the best real-life moans:-
• My bush is really overgrown at the front & my back passage has fungus growing in it.
• He has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house & I just can’t take it anymore.
• It is the dog mess that I find hard to swallow.
• I wish to complain that my father hurt his ankle badly; then he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
• And their 18 year old son is constantly banging his balls against my fence.
• I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other night that blew them off.
• My lavatory seat is cracked – Where do I stand?
• I am writing on behalf of my sink which is coming away from the wall.
• Will you please send someone to mend the garden path? My wife tripped & fell on it yesterday & now she is pregnant.
• 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster and 50% are plain filthy.
• Will you please send a man to look at my water? It is a funny colour & not fit to drink.
• The toilet is blocked & we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
• I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
• Our lavatory seat is broken in half & is now in three pieces.
• I want to complain about the farmer across the road: every morning at 6.00am his cock wakes me up & now it’s getting too much for me.
• Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children & would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
• I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat & would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night?
• Send a man with the right tool to finish the job & satisfy my wife.
• I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
• This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke & we can’t get the BBC2 TV channel.