Sick jokes

[Guillermo]

I want to hear some sick jokes. I had lunch with a old friend and he always has some sick ones. A little boy was being walked into the woods and was crying. The man him asked why he was crying. The boy said that the woods were dark and scary. The man said don't complain, I have to walk back to the car alone. Sick, sorry.

[BennytheBlade]

Googled offa the jokeyard .com
There once was a little boy who was celebrating his 11th birthday.

He decided to test his family to see if they remembered his birthday, so he goes downstairs to his father. "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today", the boy said.

The father has no clue and finally gives up. "I'm eleven!" the boy exclaims.

Next he goes in the kitchen, walks up to his grandma, and says, "Bet cha' can't guess how old I am today".

"Let me give it a guess", grandma says and sticks her hand in his trousers.

She plays with his testicles for about an hour or so (squeezing them; moving them back and forth), takes her hand out of his trousers, and says, "You're eleven years old".

"How did you know?" the boy asked.

Grandma replied, "I heard you tell your father".

[007]

Funny shit! :D

[Pumpkin]

That last one was rather disturbing :help:

[007]

Benny forgot to mention they were Okies. :poke:

[Pumpkin]

Benny forgot to mention they were Okies. :poke:

Hey! I'll beat you senseless for making fun of my redneck state! :punish: :D

[007]

Sounds like fun, P! Where do I sign up? :cool:

[Pumpkin]

:help:

[bart-1]

Good so far!! :D

[BennytheBlade]

He should no better than to ask for sick jokes w/ this crowd :devil:

[BenDibble]

A prostitute was in hospital having a kidney removed. Just after the doctor had removed the kidney he was about to stitch up the wound. Just then the prostitute woke up on the operating table. She looked up at the doctor and asked him not to bother stitching up the wound.
When the doctor asked why she replied " Well, I've been doing it a bit tough lately and I might see if I can get some extra work on the side ".

[007]

Yes, that is a sick joke, for sure. :D

[Trixie]

In a race, why does Micheal Jackson always take second?
-He likes to cum in a little behind.


A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. He gets into a lively conversation with the bartender and mentioned that he could get any woman in that bar to have sex with him. The bartender asks him how, and the man replies, "because I am a rapist."

What do a blonde and a turtle have in common?
-When you get them on their back they are both fucked.

[SuperD]

A man was sitting on his porch in rural Appalachia. His daughter comes in from school and asks if she can go to prom that is coming up this weekend. After thinking a while her dad replies, "Only if you give me a head job". Disgusted she replys "No Way!". "OK then, you won't be going". She is really wanting to go badly and after a while decides to give in. She is just starting to go down on him when she jumps off and exclaims "That tastes like shit!".

"Yes", her father replies, "Your brother wanted to go to the prom too." :assfucked:

[Guillermo]

A prostitute was in hospital having a kidney removed. Just after the doctor had removed the kidney he was about to stitch up the wound. Just then the prostitute woke up on the operating table. She looked up at the doctor and asked him not to bother stitching up the wound.
When the doctor asked why she replied " Well, I've been doing it a bit tough lately and I might see if I can get some extra work on the side ".

Uh Ben, got her number?

[BenDibble]

i wish. she ran out before i could give her any more anesthesia and knock her out. :(

[Trixie]

Looks like it is back to the fleshlight for Ben. :cry:

[BenDibble]

haha, instant message me and i will tell all about my night. :razz:

[Trixie]

do I dare? :???:

[Guillermo]

A comma would be cool. Remember Kill Bill?

[Spufnik]

do I dare? :???:


I triple dog dare you!!! :poke: Please don't cry if it hurts :devil:

[Spufnik]

A comma would be cool. Remember Kill Bill?

"My name is Buck, And I 'm here to Fuck" love that line :-D

[Trixie]

do I dare? :???:


I triple dog dare you!!! :poke: Please don't cry if it hurts :devil:


no deal. your deal scarred me. No one should have had to hear what he told me. bastard. I blame you for my emotional damage. :hityou:

[BenDibble]

oh i haven't even started the story yet. :razz:

[Spufnik]

Wait a sec... Thought you liberals were out to protect the innocent? :angel: Hobbits are a dangerous sort and you were warned :hityou:

[Trixie]

but, but, but... i was dared.... :cry:

[Spufnik]

MUHAHAhahaha, I need to go to bed now. Cottonballs soaked in rubbing alcohol, I find, seems to get the burning out of the eyes. :devil: and good nite :snooze:

[Trixie]

sure it gets the burning out of the eyes, but it doesn't solve the burned images in my head. :hityou:

[007]

OK, not sick, but pretty funny.

"An old man hobbled into an ice cream parlor. With some difficulty, he sat on a stool. He ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, Crushed nuts?

He replied, No. Just arthritis."

[BennytheBlade]

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

[Ken Brock]

a man in Kentucky is getting married

he marries the girl and goes on his honeymoon

the man returns home from his honeymoon all alone. His dad says, "where's your bride?"

the groom replies, "I had to kill her"

dad says, "why did you have to kill her?"

The groom says, "on our marriage night, I found out she was a virgin"

The dad replies, "good for you son. If she wasn't good enough for her own family, she ain't good enough for mine"