10 Rules For Dating My Daughter

[IBJEDI]

I think most dads can relate to this list.

10 Rules For Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact,
come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent Orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine.

[SuperD]

That's pretty good. :lol:

[Guillermo]

Thats why I'm glad that I only have 2 boys.

[MadDaddy]

Dude thats great, I am going to keep that around for my daughter to read in another 6-8 years when the dating bullshit starts...

[Brian]

Dude, that is fricken priceless. I have a 12 (in October) year old daughter and I have been planning the same kind of greeting for the first boy that comes to the door. I have always said I would be cleaning my guns and knives when the first little bastard shows up. I'm gonna print this out, laminate it, and hang on the front door. Or course she's not allowed to date until she's 35, so it's gonna be a while. :-D

Thanks,

-Brian

[Guillermo]

Reminds me of John Candy in Uncle Buck.

[Fenlore]

I was thinking the same thing.

But yeah funny, that is the reason my dad is happy to have 3 boys.

[Fenlore]

Dude, that is fricken priceless. I have a 12 (in October) year old daughter and I have been planning the same kind of greeting for the first boy that comes to the door. I have always said I would be cleaning my guns and knives when the first little bastard shows up. I'm gonna print this out, laminate it, and hang on the front door. Or course she's not allowed to date until she's 35, so it's gonna be a while. :-D

Thanks,

-Brian
Or you could answer the door with a knife in hand and then start sharpening said knife whilst talking to them.

[Mr.LaBella]

just got it*



John Ritter!

[SuperD]

Do you think greeting my daughter's first date with a Remington 870 Police in hand would be too strong a statement?


Rule #9 is the shit BTW. When I pass these rules out years from now I will have to highlight that one. :-D

[Trixie]

Silly men... it's coming and the harder you try to stop it, the sooner it will happen.

Alls I'm sayin'.

-Trixie

[Guillermo]

Silly men... it's coming and the harder you try to stop it, the sooner it will happen.

Alls I'm sayin'.

-Trixie
Can't blame a dad for tryin. I have also seen some older brothers send a strong message to potential suitors.

[Fenlore]

Can't blame a dad for tryin. I have also seen some older brothers send a strong message to potential suitors.

I have the same philosophy when it comes to my cousins... well, right now it's just cousin, the other 2 are like 3 and 5 or something like that or 4 and 6 so there's plenty of time to not worry, my other cousin is about 18 or so and she's had the same boyfriend for the past 3 or 4 years so I've no real worries, but I'm definitally protective of my family.

[Rozz]

I absolutley love it! I myself being, (when I was little), Daddy's little Girl, thought it was great! I also have two older brothers & no sisters. SO you can imagine when a boy came to pick me up. I guess thats why I really did'nt have alot of boyfriends! :D:

[Fenlore]

I absolutley love it! I myself being, (when I was little), Daddy's little Girl, thought it was great! I also have two older brothers & no sisters. SO you can imagine when a boy came to pick me up. I guess thats why I really did'nt have alot of boyfriends! :D:

not only a dad with a shot gun but 2 brothers with shovels at the ready, eh

[jenn7600]

For those of us with daughters approaching dating age...:firedevil

Ten Simple Rules for Dating My Daughter

Rule One:
If you pull into my driveway and honk you’d better be delivering a package, because you’re sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:
You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off my daughter’s body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:
I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don’t take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:
I’m sure you’ve been told that in today’s world, sex without utilizing a “barrier method” of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:
It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only work I need from you on this subject is “early.”

Rule Six:
I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:
As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movies, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden GateBridge. Instead of just standing there, why don’t you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:
The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka-zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which feature chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:
Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do no trifle with me.

Rule Ten:
Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy near Hanoi. When my Agent orange starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit yoru car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, and then return to your car-there is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face in the window is mine.

[Peter Lezard]

"Now ya'all go out and have some fun. I'll see you when I get back, probably be up all night...still cleaning this gun..." :highwayman:

I keep telling myself I won't be one of "those" dads... But at this point, I guess it comes down to pistol, rifle, or shotgun... :bobert:

[El Gringo]

Just so ever happy that the miss's had a boy child! I'm quite gray 'nuf thank you!

[RNST]

A friend of mine is an RCMP officer. For those who don't know, the Mounties are Canada's National Police Force.

He has twin blonde daughters. He loves cleaning his service revolver when the new BF shows up on the doorstep.

Think the BF's ever have his daughters home late hehe.

I have three daughters all of them outgoing attractive young ladies.


Me, I sharpen my knives and ask the BF's to try and shave the hair off their arms. Not too subtle but the guys get my drift very quickly.


:evilmonster:

[aj1985]

I'm usually the boyfriend (Please don't shun me out from this discussion) lol, and I would love for the Father to be a knife nut or a gun nut, but alas it hasn't happened yet.

I think I would spend time more time with the Father just talking Guns and knives than with his daughter. Girls come and go, but true knife nuts are hard to find:bwah:

aj

[nicolewight]

I'm usually the boyfriend (Please don't shun me out from this discussion) lol, and I would love for the Father to be a knife nut or a gun nut, but alas it hasn't happened yet.

I think I would spend time more time with the Father just talking Guns and knives than with his daughter. Girls come and go, but true knife nuts are hard to find:bwah:

aj

man... don't ignore the girl... that is a big no no... It hurts, the dad might get pissed off at you just for that. Knife nuts may be hard to find, but daughters are forever.:jdwink2:

[Cadi Con Carne]

My dad used to take guys down to see the safe. If they cringed, he hated them. If they pretended interest (and he could tell), he disliked them. If they got intrigued and asked questions, etc...

...he tolerated them. :devilfinger:

My ex was a cop, so he thought he had an instant in. Nope! Dad hated his guts, still does.

[norcal13]

thanks jen !
i have two daughters ...and these rules seem fair to me.
i will save these till they become dating age.

[fod]

Just so ever happy that the miss's had a boy child! I'm quite gray 'nuf thank you!

Me too...it is some sort of cosmik justice that a good friend who was such a Hound in his youth, ended up with daughters:madaddy:

As we remind him, as parents of a son, we only need to worry about one swinging dick, but the parents of girls have to worry about every swinging dick in town:schmoove:

[jenn7600]

I got that email a couple years ago, back when my daughter was young and I didn't have to worry bout boys. She's 14 now...I'm printing those rules up and making sure each and every boy that comes near my daughter reads them. I'll also have all the knives in my house on display and within easy reach.

My dad is big and scary. He scared all my boyfriends with just a look. I remember when two guys stopped by my house one day and wanted to take me to a farmer's market, dad told me to go in the house and proceeded to scare the living shit out of those guys. I was SOOOO embarassed...now I understand.

[Cadi Con Carne]

Me too...it is some sort of cosmik justice that a good friend who was such a Hound in his youth, ended up with daughters:madaddy:

Funny...same thing happened to my Dad! :cadi:

[Komodo]

My daughter is now 20, and I have succcesfully put the fear of God into each and every one of her boyfriends thruout her life with this simple statement.

"If you hurt my little girl, I will hurt you...BAD. They'll never find all the body parts. You got me?"

Works every time! :thumbsup:

[inkster]

My daughter is now 20, and I have succcesfully put the fear of God into each and every one of her boyfriends thruout her life with this simple statement.

"If you hurt my little girl, I will hurt you...BAD. They'll never find all the body parts. You got me?"

Works every time! :thumbsup:

:ropeman:

[aj1985]

man... don't ignore the girl... that is a big no no... It hurts, the dad might get pissed off at you just for that. Knife nuts may be hard to find, but daughters are forever.:jdwink2:

When you right your right. I shall try harder. Right now though girls are really at the back of my mind at this moment.

Right now

1) Preparing for a new career
2) Work
3) Fine cutlery
3) Working out
4) Second Job
5) Girls

Hopefully in one year

1) Girl/Awesome Career
2) fine cutlery

Can not wait when the above happens. It sure will be a good life :thumbsup:




aj

[RNST]

man... don't ignore the girl... that is a big no no... It hurts, the dad might get pissed off at you just for that. Knife nuts may be hard to find, but daughters are forever.:jdwink2:

hey if you get thumbs down from the daughter, you are not coming back again to see the toy store at my house.


Picture this scenario

My 20 year old is going out for a date. I am sitting on the front porch smokin a Cuban and sipping a beverage. Date drives up in an ol beater, honks his horn and calls her on his cell phone. As she is leaving, I ask her: "Do you think he wants to date you a second time?" To which she replies, "Yah I think so".

I told her " better haul his ass out of that car or there won't be a 2nd date".

You could tell he was uncomfortable meeting me and shaking hands, making eye contact etc. My daughter could see this and made the right choice right there, no second date.

[Fenlore]

Well, I have no kids myself, hell, no significant other... but if ever I do have a little girl of my own some day those rules are just fine... except I'd be hiding in the bushes as opposed to beeing seen in the window...

[voracious]

thank the invisible man in the sky i'm fixed.

[rio]

no disrespect cause iam a father myself but girls are going to do whatever the fuck they want no matter what any of you say:ladydevils: after all we did date them .

[maui4lowry]

I have no kids so I can't chime in on that end..however I can honestly say that whenever I was given a chance to meet a GF or possible GF's parents I would always exit the car, introduce myself, shake hands, and proceed with the interrogation. Had a few rocky moments here and there, but still fully intact. I believe to earn respect you must first show respect IMHO.

[inkster]

Well, I have no kids myself, hell, no significant other... but if ever I do have a little girl of my own some day those rules are just fine... except I'd be hiding in the bushes as opposed to beeing seen in the window...


There's no need to be scared :cadi:

[SugarSkull]

My little girl of 19 knows what she wants. Japanese artworks-WTF...

Truthfully fear is an option but hey, they'll do what they want.

[jenn7600]

no disrespect cause iam a father myself but girls are going to do whatever the fuck they want no matter what any of you say:ladydevils: after all we did date them .


I have to agree with you there, which is why I am the one who drives my daughter and her friends EVERYWHERE, I'm the one who takes them to the movies, mall, concerts, etc., I'm the one who inserts myself fully into her life so she does not have the chance to do HALF the stuff I did. I'm not afraid to read her text messages, listen in on her phone calls, make use of the handy-dandy keylogger that I installed on her computer. Hate me now, thank me later is how I think about it.

Luckily she's not totally boy crazy yet...haven't had to pull out the list of rules yet but I'm sure that time is coming.:viking:

[Nathan S]

I have two teenaged daughters, and, yes, this is not an easy time. I know that, in the long run, hormones will always win. My job is to try to postpone that moment as long as possible. :)

[Semper708]

Rules For Dating a Marine's Daughter

Rule One:

If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

Rule Two:

You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

Rule Three:

I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open- minded about this issue, so I propose this compromise: You may come to the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big, and I will not object. However, In order to ensure that your clothes do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers securely in place to your waist.

Rule Four:

I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sx without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when it comes to sx, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

Rule Five:

In order for us to get to know each other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

Rule Six:

I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is okay with my daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you. If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

Rule Seven:

As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting the Golden Gate Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

Rule Eight:

The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter: Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T- shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong romantic or sxual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay. Hockey games are okay. Old folks homes are better.

Rule Nine:

Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

Rule Ten:

Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the sound of your car in the driveway for a chopper coming in over a rice paddy outside of Chu Lai. When my Agent Orange or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) starts acting up, the voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my daughter home safely and early, then return to your car. There is no need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is mine :semper:

I really read these Rules to the Boys that were dating my Daughters sitting at the kitchen table cleaning my M16 and 45...... :semper:

[*THE PUNISHER*]

Good post,do you pack the stc also.....

[mack1]

I'm sooo glad I raised the Son of a Marine. He is honorable when it comes to women. I taught him that.

I, also, am the Marine being described here, except that I am not "pot bellied and balding", have an AR and a 9mil rather than shotgun and 45, and I have 10 acres and access to a backhoe, so I can bury 'em deep.:wes::jdsmokin:

Carry on!

[Jorge Banner]

Yeap, that sounds about right. :Devilroar: