L33731
08-17-2005, 12:03 PM
I almost pissed myself after reading this, Makes me even more pleased that I am not that creature they call female.
WAXING
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours. Maybe I should pull the wax out of
the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you
peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes
right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough I can
figure it out.
YA THINK!!!
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my ass. (Oh how this phrase
haunts
me!)
I lay the strip across my thigh...hold the skin around it tight and
pull.
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me, I am Sheena, fighter of all wayward
body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to
the inside of my Ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply
and brace myself.
RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....Vision returning, I notice that
I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
SHIT!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and
spotted.
Do I hear crashing drums???
OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that
has caused me so much pain. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip but there is no hair on it.
Where is the wax???
Slowly I eased my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
SHIT!
I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body that is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make the next big mistake
...
remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet.
I know I need to move to do something. So I put my foot down and then I
hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Ass?? Sealed
shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "I hope I don't get the urge to shit, my head may pop
off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand, the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???
WRONG!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than what is used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now the only thing worse that having your business glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub, in
scalding hot water. Which by the way doesn't melt the cold wax. So now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!
I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my
ass and cooter are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from
me.
She wants to know exactly where is the wax on the ass "Are we talking
cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear
her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the
side of the box. YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of some one else's
night.
While we go through various solutions. I result in scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
I then find the most beautiful saving grace.... that is the lotion they
give you to remove the excess wax. I rub some and scream "IT works! It
works! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
dismay...The hair is still there...all of it. So, I shaved the shit off.
Hell, I'm numb at this point. Then I put the wax back in the medicine
cabinet, I may have a mustache that needs work someday.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.
WAXING
My night began as any other normal weekday night. Come home fix dinner,
played with the kids. I then had the thought that would ring painfully
in my mind for the next few hours. Maybe I should pull the wax out of
the medicine cabinet.
So I headed to the site of my demise; the bathroom.
It was one of those cold wax kits. No melting a clump of hot wax, you
just rub the strips together in your hand and then they get warm and you
peel them apart press it to your leg (or wherever else) and hair comes
right off. No muss, no fuss. How hard can it be?
I mean I'm no girly, girl but I am mechanically inclined enough I can
figure it out.
YA THINK!!!
So I pull one of the thin strips out. Its two strips facing each other
stuck together. Instead of rubbing them together, I get out the hair
dryer and heat it to 1000 degrees. Cold wax my ass. (Oh how this phrase
haunts
me!)
I lay the strip across my thigh...hold the skin around it tight and
pull.
OK, so it wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't too bad. I can do this!
Hair removal no longer eludes me, I am Sheena, fighter of all wayward
body hair and smooth skin extraordinaire.
With my next wax strip I move north. After checking on the kids I sneak
back into the bathroom, for the ultimate hair fighting championship. I
drop my panties and place one foot on the toilet.
Using the same procedure I apply the wax strip across the right side of
bikini line, covering the right half of my vagina and stretching down to
the inside of my Ass cheek (Yes, it was a long strip). I inhale deeply
and brace myself.
RRRRIIIPPP!!!!
I'm blind!!! Blinded from pain!!!!....Vision returning, I notice that
I've only managed to pull off half of the strip.
SHIT!!! Another deep breath and RRIIPP. Everything is swirly and
spotted.
Do I hear crashing drums???
OK, back to normal. I want to see my trophy - my wax covered pelt that
has caused me so much pain. I want to revel in the glory that is my
triumph over body hair. I hold up the strip but there is no hair on it.
Where is the wax???
Slowly I eased my head down, foot still perched on the toilet. I see the
hair..The hair that should be on the strip. I touch. I am touching wax.
SHIT!
I peel my fingers over the most sensitive part of my body that is now
covered in cold wax and matted hair and then make the next big mistake
...
remember my foot is still propped up on the toilet.
I know I need to move to do something. So I put my foot down and then I
hear the slamming of the cell door. Vagina? Sealed shut! Ass?? Sealed
shut!
I penguin walk around the bathroom trying to figure out what to do and
think to myself "I hope I don't get the urge to shit, my head may pop
off."
Hot water!! Hot water melts wax!! I'll run the hottest water I can
stand, the wax should melt and I can gently wipe it off right???
WRONG!!!
I get in the tub - the water is slightly hotter than what is used to
torture prisoners of war or sterilize surgical equipment - I sit.
Now the only thing worse that having your business glued together is
having them glued together and then glued to the bottom of the tub, in
scalding hot water. Which by the way doesn't melt the cold wax. So now
I'm stuck to the bottom of the tub!!
I call my friend thinking surely she's waxed before and has some secret
of how to get me undone. It's a very good conversation starter, "So, my
ass and cooter are stuck to the bottom of the tub!"
She doesn't have a secret trick but does try to hide the laughter from
me.
She wants to know exactly where is the wax on the ass "Are we talking
cheeks or hole or what?" She's laughing out loud by now...I can hear
her. I give her the rundown and she suggests I call the number on the
side of the box. YEAH Right!! I could be the joke of some one else's
night.
While we go through various solutions. I result in scraping the wax off
with a razor. Nothing feels better then to have your girlie goodies
covered in hot wax, glued shut, stuck to the tub in super hot water and
then dry shaving the sticky wax off!!
I then find the most beautiful saving grace.... that is the lotion they
give you to remove the excess wax. I rub some and scream "IT works! It
works! I get a hearty congratulations from my friend and she hangs up. I
successfully remove the remainder of the wax and then notice to my
dismay...The hair is still there...all of it. So, I shaved the shit off.
Hell, I'm numb at this point. Then I put the wax back in the medicine
cabinet, I may have a mustache that needs work someday.
Next week I'm going to try hair color.