inkster
08-19-2008, 04:32 PM
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very
> sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
>
> So he tied her up and went golfing.
>
> **************************************************
>
> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
> the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
> 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
>
> The husband said , 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
> mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
>
> ***************************************** *********
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
> other is a husband.
>
> **************************************************
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
>
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sigh t test. The optician showed
> him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>
> 'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
>
> 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
>
> **************************************************
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>
> 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> convent.'
>
> 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of
> chardonnay.'
>
> **************************************************
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>
> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>
> 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
> You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
> They're going t o STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you
> CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you
> always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SA LT!'
> The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think
> I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
>
> The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels
> like when I'm driving.'
> sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.'
>
> So he tied her up and went golfing.
>
> **************************************************
>
> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into
> the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
> 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!'
>
> The husband said , 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
> mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.'
>
> ***************************************** *********
>
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the
> other is a husband.
>
> **************************************************
>
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license.
>
> First, of course, he had to take an eye sigh t test. The optician showed
> him a card with the letters:
> 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
>
> 'Can you read this?' the optician asked.
>
> 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.'
>
> **************************************************
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them,
>
> 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the
> convent.'
>
> 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of
> chardonnay.'
>
> **************************************************
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
>
> Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
>
> 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD!
> You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER?
> They're going t o STICK! Careful . CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER
> listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you
> CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you
> always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SA LT!'
> The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think
> I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?'
>
> The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels
> like when I'm driving.'