LurtzWV-6
11-23-2007, 07:57 PM
Found on Craigslist....
My father was an English barrister who had tourette’s, and was famous throughout England for never having finished a closing argument without blurting out something about “buggering the queen”. He had an interesting hobby that involved taking black and white photographs of stray dogs who he had just given peanut butter. My mother was a 17 year old runaway who earlier in life had been a Siamese twin, and therefore she always kept a blow-up doll tied around her waist. She made extra money talking to rodents, and was known in her town as “The Squirrel Whisperer”.
I was born in Dallas on the grassy knoll, as my parents did research for their coffee table book on Famous American Assassination Destinations. My early years were spent in a cage at the back of a VW microbus, my only friend being a sand flea that I named Kevin. By the time it was time to start school, I was no longer howling at every passing car, so they saw this as a breakthrough moment. My elementary schooling was relatively uneventful, save for the weekly ritual involving my making of a ½ scale replica of The Alamo on the playground, which I then convinced other to attack. I always played Davy Crockett. In high school I was a bit of an outcast, but this was probably due to my demand that everyone, including teachers, refer to me as The One Who Shall Be Obeyed, or TOWSBO for short.
I went into business selling potholders made out of the undergarments of Bangkok prostitutes, to little success. I then went on a journey of self-discovery, where I was temporarily jailed in China for inappropriately touching a panda bear. Upon my release, I joined a traveling carnival as the back end of the pantomime horse, and to this day, when under stress, I tend to whinny. Now I am under suitable doctor’s care, and they say that next week I might even get to use a butter knife at dinner.
If you are reading this and think we might be a good match, and you have a penchant for wearing 18th century lingerie, then by all means let me know when we can get together. I am sure they will let me out on a day pass, especially if that means someone else might be able to change my bandages….hope to hear from you soon.
My father was an English barrister who had tourette’s, and was famous throughout England for never having finished a closing argument without blurting out something about “buggering the queen”. He had an interesting hobby that involved taking black and white photographs of stray dogs who he had just given peanut butter. My mother was a 17 year old runaway who earlier in life had been a Siamese twin, and therefore she always kept a blow-up doll tied around her waist. She made extra money talking to rodents, and was known in her town as “The Squirrel Whisperer”.
I was born in Dallas on the grassy knoll, as my parents did research for their coffee table book on Famous American Assassination Destinations. My early years were spent in a cage at the back of a VW microbus, my only friend being a sand flea that I named Kevin. By the time it was time to start school, I was no longer howling at every passing car, so they saw this as a breakthrough moment. My elementary schooling was relatively uneventful, save for the weekly ritual involving my making of a ½ scale replica of The Alamo on the playground, which I then convinced other to attack. I always played Davy Crockett. In high school I was a bit of an outcast, but this was probably due to my demand that everyone, including teachers, refer to me as The One Who Shall Be Obeyed, or TOWSBO for short.
I went into business selling potholders made out of the undergarments of Bangkok prostitutes, to little success. I then went on a journey of self-discovery, where I was temporarily jailed in China for inappropriately touching a panda bear. Upon my release, I joined a traveling carnival as the back end of the pantomime horse, and to this day, when under stress, I tend to whinny. Now I am under suitable doctor’s care, and they say that next week I might even get to use a butter knife at dinner.
If you are reading this and think we might be a good match, and you have a penchant for wearing 18th century lingerie, then by all means let me know when we can get together. I am sure they will let me out on a day pass, especially if that means someone else might be able to change my bandages….hope to hear from you soon.