The Nicker
04-07-2005, 10:32 PM
Living Will
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask
For a cold beer or a glass of wine, it should be presumed that I won't ever
Get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse,
children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that
these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention
instead to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge
for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they
play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in
peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know
these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and
crusade on my behalf.
They should mind their own business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and
make his or her existence a living hell.
_______________________________________
Signature
_______________________________________
Witness
I, _________________________ (fill in the blank), being of sound mind
and body, do not wish to be kept alive indefinitely by artificial
means. Under no circumstances should my fate be put in the hands of
peckerwood politicians who couldn't pass ninth-grade biology if their
lives depended on it.
If a reasonable amount of time passes and I fail to sit up and ask
For a cold beer or a glass of wine, it should be presumed that I won't ever
Get better.
When such a determination is reached, I hereby instruct my spouse,
children and attending physicians to pull the plug, reel in the tubes
and call it a day.
Under no circumstances shall the members of the Legislature enact a
special law to keep me on life-support machinery. It is my wish that
these boneheads mind their own damn business, and pay attention
instead to the health, education and future of the millions of
Americans who aren't in a permanent coma.
Under no circumstances shall any politicians butt into this case.
I don't care how many fundamentalist votes they're trying to scrounge
for their run for the presidency in 2008, it is my wish that they
play politics with someone else's life and leave me alone to die in
peace.
I couldn't care less if a hundred religious zealots send e-mails to
legislators in which they pretend to care about me. I don't know
these people, and I certainly haven't authorized them to preach and
crusade on my behalf.
They should mind their own business, too.
If any of my family goes against my wishes and turns my case into a
political cause, I hereby promise to come back from the grave and
make his or her existence a living hell.
_______________________________________
Signature
_______________________________________
Witness