GODDESS OF VENGEANCE
12-01-2006, 11:55 PM
Idiot Awards for 2006
Candidates for the 'Idiot Awards' for 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a
rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, a woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number-Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the
paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Number-Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this iz
a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his speed using
radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Number-Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with
a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the
Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the
store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Number-Six Idiot of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record
shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one
shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Number-Seven Idiot of 2006
It seems that this Arkansas guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw
a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
Yep, here's your sign
Candidates for the 'Idiot Awards' for 2006
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Number-One Idiot of 2006
I am a medical student currently doing a
rotation in toxicology at the poison control center.
Today, a woman called in very upset because she
caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly
reassured her that the ants are not harmful and
there would be no need to bring her daughter into
the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the
conversation happened to mention that she gave her
daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the
ants. I told her that she better bring her daughter
into the emergency room right away
Here's your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~
Number-Two Idiot of 2006
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the
airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of
the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of
the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for
a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard
helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that
the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator
beacon that activated when the raft was inflated.
They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here's your sign, guys. Don't get it wet; the
paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Number-Three Idiot of 2006
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into the branch and wrote, "this iz
a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While
standing in line, waiting to give his note to the
teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him
write the note and might call the police before he
reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of
America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo
Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he
it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he
wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him
that she could not accept his stickup note because
it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and
that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo
deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking
somewhat defeated, the man said, "OK" and left. He
was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting
in line back at Bank of America.
Don't bother with this guy's sign. He probably
couldn't read it anyway
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~~~
Number-Four Idiot of 2006
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an
automated speed trap that measured his speed using
radar and photographed his car. He later received
in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car.
Instead of payment, he sent the police department a
photograph of $40. Several days later, he received
a letter from the police that contained another
picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately
mailed in his $40.
Smartbutt. But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Number-Five Idiot of 2006
A guy walked into a little corner store with
a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash
drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,
the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted
behind the counter on the shelf. He told the
cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the
cashier refused and said, "Because I don't believe
you are over 21." The robber said he was, but the
clerk still refused to give it to him because she
didn't believe him. At this point, the robber took
his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it
to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed
that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the
Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the
store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the
police and gave the name and address of the robber
that he got off the license. They arrested the
robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~~
Number-Six Idiot of 2006
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record
shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one
shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the
startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn't even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ ~~~~~~~
Number-Seven Idiot of 2006
It seems that this Arkansas guy wanted some
beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw
a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab
some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block
and heaved it over his head at the window. The
cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious.
It seems the liquor store window was made of
plexi-glass. The whole event was caught on
videotape.
Yep, here's your sign